HELL'S JUKEBOX
(2007 Beckley/Siegel)
JUST THE OTHER NIGHT
I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM
PROB'LY 'CAUSE I'D EATEN
ONE TOO MANY KRISPY KREMES
THERE I WAS IN HELL
WITH THE DEVIL BY MY SIDE
HE SAID "SON, WELCOME HOME"
AND STARED INTO MY EYES
HE SAID "I KNOW YOU LIKE COUNTRY
AND YOU'D LOVE TO HEAR SOME MERLE
AND DANCE WITH BUCKLE BUNNIES
IN BETWEEN SOME TWELVE-OUNCE CURLS
BUT THAT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN
'CAUSE YOU LIVED A LIFE OF SIN
YOU'VE BEEN SENTENCED TO FOREVER
AT THE DEVIL'S DO-YA INN"
HE PUSHED ME THROUGH THOSE SWINGIN' DOORS
AND THIS IS WHAT I SAW
(CHORUS):
OLD, FAT WOMEN AND FLAT, WARM BEER
THREE BIG DIKES AND A LITTLE QUEER
JOHNNY MATHIS SCREAMING "THIS PLACE ROCKS"
WATERED-DOWN WHISKEY AND DRY PIG'S FEET
DANCEFLOOR DEMONS WITH DOUBLE-JOINT KNEES
AND TINY TIM PLAYIN' ON HELL'S JUKEBOX
I HEADED FOR THE DOOR
BUT IT HAD DISAPPEARED
I TURNED AROUND AND FACED
ALL MY BIGGEST FEARS
I PRAYED "LORD, PLEASE FORGIVE ME
I'LL TURN MY LIFE AROUND"
THEN I AWOKE IN COLD SWEAT
AND MY TEARS CAME POURIN' OUT
NOW I LIVE GOD'S PLAN FOR ME
AND HOPE I NEVER SEE
(CHORUS):
OLD, FAT WOMEN AND FLAT, WARM BEER
THREE BIG DIKES AND A LITTLE QUEER
JOHNNY MATHIS SCREAMING "THIS PLACE ROCKS"
WATERED-DOWN WHISKEY AND DRY PIG'S FEET
DANCEFLOOR DEMONS WITH DOUBLE-JOINT KNEES
AND TINY TIM PLAYIN' ON HELL'S JUKEBOX
(BRIDGES):
AND EVERY TIME I'M TEMPTED FOR A LATE NIGHT SNACK
I GRAB THREE KRISPY KREMES AND PUT TWO BACK
(CHORUS):
OLD, FAT WOMEN AND FLAT, WARM BEER
THREE BIG DIKES AND A LITTLE QUEER
JOHNNY MATHIS SCREAMING "THIS PLACE ROCKS"
WATERED-DOWN WHISKEY AND DRY PIG'S FEET
DANCEFLOOR DEMONS WITH DOUBLE-JOINT KNEES
AND TINY TIM PLAYIN' ON HELL'S JUKEBOX
