40 pounds ago
(Alex Fekkos/Martin Buchanan/J Steele/R Rutherford)
I was at that fat ass stage in my life
Where I’d eat a bite just to eat a bite
She’d say leg I’d say thigh
She’d pick one side, I’d pick the other side
That dinner table we sat around
Was more like a battleground
Where I gained more weight than I lost
I didn’t learn till later on
Gluttony and sloth were not my friends
Bad cholesterol might be my end
That was 40 pounds ago
You know I ate it all
Only way to stop me
Was when the food was gone
It was real bad for my heart
But it’s my heart to stop
I didn’t have a waistline
I couldn’t see my socks
Like 40 pounds ago.
She was built like an athlete
Long and strong with perfect teeth
She’d look at me with disgust
At me and my expanding gut
Always running down my jelly rolls
The mustard stains, the shrinking clothes
Till once it almost came to blows
When she took away my cookie dough
That was just enough to chap my butt
I couldn’t wait to get to Pizza Hut
60 pounds ago
I lived to stuff my face
I was blocking all my arteries
Clogging all my veins
I let myself get plump
Completely out of shape
But what the hell did I care
My wife still looked great
60 pounds ago
spoken
I was downing a dozen Krispy Kreme’s
Got a pain in my chest that made me scream
So my wife called an ambulance
And they rushed me over to St.Vincent’s
Getting IV fluids through plastic tubes
When the doctor came and said it’s not good news
I could see on the chart there was something wrong
He looked at me and said you ain’t got long
I walked over to my wife and she started crying
Not because I was dying
But because I was standing on her toe
And she said “That wouldn’t a hurt so much
80 pounds ago”
80 pounds ago
You know I ate it all
Only way to stop me
Was when the food was gone
You know I didn’t care
If I was ever lean
But all I want right now
Is to get to Dairy Queen
As I drank down my last ice cream float
I said “I shoulda ordered Diet Coke
90 Pounds Ago.”
