The story of how I went broke, done country ballad style. Been on a country jag lately. I affected my best Texan accent for this one.
celtic celtic celtic rock
Story behind the song
Bored. Bloody. Silly. GAH!
Thought it'd be funny to link up the old auctioneer block with new internet eBay auctions in some creative way. I did it at the end when I attempted to sell the rubbish I'd accidentally bought at an auction on eBay -- and then accidentally bought France. Doh!
Used an old 4-track with an analog pitch bend to record the "auctioneer"'s voice (yes, that's me). I actually did a lot of research and listened to some sound clips of auctioneers over the Internet while figuring out what rubbish I'd make "him" say. I somehow timed it perfectly on the first go so it fit into the song's refrain.
I spent most of my childhood in Texas, so the Texan accent wasn't a stretch. Oh, and I had a cold when I did this song, so my voice is about an octave deeper than normal!
Lyrics
So I went down to visit the County Fair
Got out to get me some clean fresh air
And some cotton candy and relaxation and stuff
I needed a break from the fact I was broke
Found a tent underneath the shade of an oak
And wandered inside to see what in tarnation was up.
An auctioneer was a-rattlin' away
It sounded like fun, so I reckoned I’d stay
Little did I know the horror my future held. Oh yeah!
I took my seat somewhere back in the rear
And then it happened – yep, I scratched my ear
And that silent bid unleashed the hounds of Hell.
REF:
AUCTIONEER BABBLE
BREAK: (He was a little short feller. Heh.) What’d I just buy for a hundred dollars? What? A hundred THOUSAND dollars?!
So there sat me with my jaw on the floor
What the hell'd I need a Dukes of Hazard ash tray for?
I guessed I'd tell him I'm flat broke right after the show.
Some rubberneckin' started up in the front row
And they turned to see who was this high-rollin' Joe
Just me, shrinking down under my chair low as I could go.
So I made a pact with my dumb self to sit still
And I was doing just fine with it all until
An itch started somewhere way up inside my nose.
My eyes watered up and I thought oh Lord please
Don’t let this damn itch turn into a sneeze
But it did… and that was when I knew that I was hosed.
REF
BREAK: (I gave up on whatever line was here, was laughing too hard)
Great. I gotta get a second mortgage on my home
Just to afford that 50 thousand dollar lawn gnome
Put it in the truck! Check's in the mail! Here I go! I'll be on my way!
I got a long drive home to think what to do
When that check bounces higher than a kangaroo
Wait! I’ll find another schmuck to buy it all on eBay.
Hoo dawgies, here I go again! Sh*t. I just bought France.