From the album 'Wastoid'(2013) This song is Lovingly Dedicated to my absolutely awesome Wife, Willow!!!!
mike ash
decaying enterprises
decaying orbit
Story behind the song
I recorded the synth/keys first when I played this tune. I just fell completely in LOVE with that hooky riff I'm playing on the keys. when I began writing/recording this tune, I had my doubts as to how it was going to work out in the end, but I kept on anyway & I'm soooo very glad that I did.
the title of this jam is actually stolen directly from a book by the same title that is about Borderline Personality Disorder, which I suffer from. well, the title seemed totally appropriate, considering the lyrics to the song were basically about the problems that I have had behind my diagnosis. However, the ACTUAL message of the song is "Oh My God!!! You Have My Eternal Gratitude, Love & Devotion For Your Amazing & Undying Devotion To Me & My Mental Health!!!! and the big fucking THANK YOU goes directly out to WILLOW, my awesome Wife, without whom I wouldn't have made it even a step in this cold, harsh & uncaring world. I LOVE YOU FOREVER & ALWAYS MY BEAUTIFUL WILLOW!!!! YOU HAVE MY SINCEREST AND DEEPEST GRATITUDE FOR SAVING ME FROM MYSELF TIME AND TIME AGAIN!!!!
Lyrics
I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me
Rocking back and forth with my head in my hands
Never thought I’d find myself feeling this again
All I ever wanted was an end to the pain
But it just keeps on coming, it’s driving me insane
I can’t stop the yelling or the voices in my head
Telling me I’m worthless, that I’d be better dead
I cry and scream in agony, but nobody is hearing me
You are like an angel sitting by my side
Telling me to be strong, that it will be alright
Oh how I Love you so for keeping me alive
What I wouldn’t do for you, my Love, my whole life
You watched me as I fell apart but never gave up hope
You we’re always there for me, helping me to cope
Through the blood and tears and rage
You stayed you stayed you stayed
I tried so hard to push you away
I Love you more than I could ever say
Thank you so f*** ing much for everything
A debt that I cannot repay;
It hurt so bad that I thought that I would die
I wished for death like a million times
I bashed my hands into my face
I cried and cried and cried
You stuck by and pulled the knives out of my back
My tears you dried
I Love you so my beautiful
My Willow, my very soul
You pulled me from the darkest place
And pulled me into the light
You rubbed my hair and caressed my face
And made sure I was alright.