Talking blues about religion and sex. You try to convert me, I'll try to seduce you, it's heaven for whoever wins.
bruce mckinney
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Lyrics
Other Way Around
Religion makes me sleepy,
Church service makes me mad,
That lady preacher makes me lustful,
She looks so good and talks so bad.
I met her at a wedding,
She licensed my friends for legal sex,
I shoved bridesmaids and grabbed the flowers
In the toss to see who gets tied down next.
I gave them to her, said you’re the best-looking preacher
I ever hope to see,
She said, thanks, that’s special, and how were things going
Between Jesus Christ and me?
I said, I get along with any deity,
Jesus or Buddha or Krom.
We pass on the street,
I say hi, nice to meet,
No thanks, you’re so sweet,
Nice to chat, such a treat,
Let’s do lunch sometime, then I’m gone.
She said, that kind of acquaintance
Won’t save your soul from hell
Let me introduce you to my best friend
Jesus loves you in spite of yourself
I said, thanks but I’ll pass, I never asked anyone
To commit suicide for me.
I don’t need to be saved, he can die for your sins,
I’ll atone my own, guilt free.
Well, that didn’t go over, her wrath was holy
Though it couldn’t quite hide a smile
She called me a sinner, said don’t criticize the righteous
Till you’ve walked in their shoes for a while
It was a sad waste of beauty to hear such drivel
From her sweet sexy mouth
I wanted to save her, she wanted to save me
Maybe we could work something out.
I said, I’ll offer this deal to tempt and amuse you
And to entertain all our friends
You try to convert me, I’ll try to seduce you,
It’s heaven for whoever wins.
You’re on, she said, but I think that you’re doomed,
Your ego’s in for a bruise.
I said, That may be true, but your fate’s no better,
I think we’re both going to lose.
And that was the start of a 20-year joke
That kept small town gossips at work
On the stairs of the church or on the stool of a bar
It was always good for a smirk
I’d say, It’s nice that you love the holy man,
But three’s one too many in bed.
Choose who you want, it’s him or me
I won’t share sheets with the undead
She’d say, Lips that mock the divine will never touch mine.
Jesus loves you even though I don’t
Lips that speak blasphemy, will never kiss me.
I’m fond of you but I won’t
Then she smiled that smile, and I felt like putty,
I wanted to want what she had,
I said, OK, you win, I accept your savior
If that’s what it takes to see you unclad.
Some church folks think God can’t take a joke,
But thank dog she wasn’t like that.
She took her faith serious, but her God wasn’t stuck up
He seemed to enjoy a good laugh.
Well, the years pushed us on, our bet hung fire
She went and married a jerk.
I fell in love, then I did it again, and again, and again,
But I never could make it work
That didn’t stop our repartee
We both tried to finish the deal,
I tried to seduce her; she tried to convert me,
And then slowly the joke got real.
We got philosophical, we got theological,
Things got heavy when we tried to be light
We got a little older, hard times made us wiser,
The truth didn’t seem so black and white.
Still sometimes for old time sake
And to keep our reputations alive
I’d make some joke about how Satan was winning,
And when was God going to arrive?
I said, Take the pope and the bishops, the gurus and mullahs,
The messiahs and preachers of spite,
Put ‘em all in a cage,
Let ‘em fight out their rage,
The last holy man standing is right.
She laughed at my poem in spite of herself
Said that’s a simple-minded view of my trade
I work in God’s service, you’re talking about me,
But you know I’m not on some evil crusade
Well, you win some, you lose some,
And I sure did lose that one,
My jokes seemed less funny each time
She still smiled, she was patient
But I felt I was slipping
Maybe seducing preachers wasn’t my line
When this whole thing started we were young and foolish,
We didn’t know how it hurts when you grow
But no one gets through life without cr