Since you rely on others (no offense) you need to pick someone and bend to their ways to an extent. Give up some of yourself, and just go along. Don't challenge everything about them. Don't try to mold them into YOUR ideal. You need them, they don't need you. Find somebody, work your way in (*worm) and take advantage of the chance to get on your feet. Get a resume together, act professional, and when you get stable you can start doing all the things you WANT to. Your "self" can start creeping back in.