Lewis
Smiling On Your Birthday
May 12, 2007
everyone says smile its your birthday
but a birthday isn't something to smile about anymore
they say find the light at the end of the tunnel
but they don't get that there isn't a light there
its just dark, its nightime all the time
i think about just ending it
i hold the bottle in my hand thinking about whether to do it or not
then i think a gun would be easier
a knife would hurt more
jumping wouldn't be so bad
its not a matter of whether or not to do it
just a matter of how
i realize i want it to be easy for my mom to find my body
not bloody, or pale from being under water
eyes closed like im asleep
some say they want to see their funeral
as far as i know i'm already in the box
under the hard cold ground
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Look Out, Beware
May 12, 2007
What do i see? Crazy distortions, mental contorsions.
Ask "why me?" Why am the only one who can see?
See the evil, see it play. It lives in my head every day.
Watch my step lookout, beware.
Why must people whisper and stare?
But who am i? What is my purpose? I look like a clown out of a circus.
Jump through the hoops and do it well or i"ll end up in a prison cell.
I see madness, how it comes about. I could stand in the street and shout it
out. But that’s not right, that’s not good. God how it feels to be misunderstood.
You'd lock me up.
You’d be in my brain.
Then you’d drive me completely insane.
So laugh at me if you must. But I’d rather go back to bloody dust.
So i can't see, so i can't hear all the fun you make of me.
But really you’re just another statistic, certainly not i who has always
existed. Never been born, never to die. We’ll live in heaven the devil and i.
But now they capture me in mind, what is it they want to find?
Do i hold the answers?
Am i the key?
Stop it now you’re scaring me.
They stalk me in my sleep at night, they steal my breath away. To my head they
hold a gun to blow my brains away.
But you can lay me to rest.
You can put me to sleep,
you can dig my grave and dig it deep.
But deathless and timeless i shall go on. On and on until it's all gone.
Into oblivion, eternal peace.
And only then will this torture cease.
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Tragedy or Blessing
May 12, 2007
if i were to jump out this window right now
would your life be easier
all i know is i wouldn’t leave a letter
explaining my actions
you can think for yourself
it will be obvious what was on my mind
my brain will be all across the pavement
just take a look
i haven’t thought clearer in my life
life is full of fog
is this what you would call a tragedy
some might say its a blessing
do you know where i’m coming from
do you know why our screams are so loud?
you'll never live this life
i know you don’t get it
and i couldn’t care less
how many chapters will be before the ending
lets just get to the point
i will not survive this fall
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Comfort Eating
May 12, 2007
Fill me up with food so no pain can get in
fill me up with anything you have
whatever you can possibly give me
it all helps to block out the crave
for friendship, for love and affection
my hunger for success as a human
my thirst for a satisfying drink
from the communion cup of man
I can cram it in without chewing
I can swallow it whole without spewing
I can pack it in like gold bullion
I am worthless as weight is my gold - so I am told
Fill me up with food so no pain can get in
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