Gary
Toylander's Philosophical Moment.
May 1, 2008
Self esteem, is a false idea - because self esteem is a reaction to negative input from others. I realized this at age 28. People should not rely on other people for self esteem: lovers, jobs, wives, husbands, relatives, because if you get even a little self esteem you need more to offset the negative judgements from the same people, and there is no end to it.
Rely on one person for it, or job, or group - and they will undo all of it eventually, and it will happen everytime.
Then the solution becomes: more positive stroking from other people, but it just air, it deflates and needs to be inflated again.
There isn't self esteem anywhere that is valuable. Even positive affirmations daily, are a ruse. You are, really who you should be, and you should be what you were in your natural state before you fell asleep, and developed your ego. Just beaming out light in tune with your higher self, or God.
As soon as you seek approval from others, you are out of touch with yourself, as I learned recently. It is easy to fall back into that trap, despite knowing it is an illusion...we all do it, and we are all sick as a result. I fell into the trap of relying on my job: my work trashed me, and I became subject to someone else who needed reinforcement.
In a way it is like reacting to a bully, (who is also seeking self esteem) he tempts you to anger, and you get angry, and then you get the crap kicked out of you.
Or worse, you beat the crap out of him, and you become the bully, pumped up by the win ( but the cycle would not be renewed if you didn't react.) There is only one way to get centered...meditation. Observing thoughts and feelings twice a day for 20" or so, is like money in the spiritual bank. Close eyes, sit in a straight back chair, and observe your thoughts and feelings, and when thoughts come to the surface, don't get involved with them - shift your attention to your hand, or your breathing.
Er...that's it, except when you are tempted to react during the day, do the same thing. Keep that up, and you are on your way to changing yourself and the people around you, and the world. In time you will see the people who are off, and the ones who are on (very few) and those with good nature will thank you for your example, even the ones who would bully you, or seduce you. This is what happens when you do it right https://www.fhu.com/videos/letting_go_of_stress-1.wmv
and this is how to do it, do it if the instructions aren't clear...https://fhu.com/meditation.html
should only have to listen to this once to get the idea...
Gary Stone
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Why I Dislike The Rolling Stones
May 1, 2008
When I was younger, like many kids, I spent time in bars, getting a little lit, I watched how people behave. Almost invariably, when a Rolling Stones song was put on, a fight would break out. There was something in the music that was dark, and it brought out the reptilian brain in people.
In contrast, when something light and airy was played, music that had a positive charge to it, the atmosphere in these places would change, ex. Beatles: "Your Mother Should Know," sometimes the mood in the room would change instantly, if a Stones and Beatles tune were played back to back.
The Stones use weird beats, that are correlated with cardiac arrhythmia's. Stopped anapestics which can cause,seizures even without dis-inhibting drugs such as ETOH, and Cocaine and THC: somehow the appeal of the music is to something lower. And people respond accordingly. The negativity is almost invariably in the lyric as well: Sex, and Violence are the Stone's main themes...and this is why I object to the Stone's music. Sympathy for the devil, aside: if there's a Stone's concert in town, and "everybody" is going, show me what direction they are going in, so me and mine can head the other way.
My default response to the question: "don't you like the Stones" is: I like Ffred and Barney, and the other one's are ok if I don't have to listen to them..
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The Toylander's Music Store
Apr 30, 2008
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Toylanders Medical Moment
Apr 30, 2008
Save your eyes.
After a very traumatic personal experice, I experienced a profound depression, a "mental fog" that was there, but it was lifting, the fog was still there...and I was being blamed for it by my wife. In January I had a weird ocular experience...a black spot decended over my right visual field, my car keys danced on the floor, and when I was backing up my car, it looked like the other car beside me was backing up.
It was misdiagnosed as ocular stroke. But that was wrong, my vision appeared to be getting rapidly worse, until one week ago, I went to an opthamologist. The secretary booked an appointment for August, but I described my experience in January, and my current symptoms, and the doc over heard it, he rushed me in then. In one half hour I was diagnosed with severe glaucoma.
Normal pressure in the inner eye, is 8-20, my pressures were 52 (l)
56 (r), if I didn't argue my case, I'd be legally blind by August. I had 20/20 (l) and 20/15 (r) eyes. In my early 40's, and the only changes I noticed were that I needed reading glasses from late forties onward. The pressures became dangerously high and January, and my eye test showed 20/40 (l) 20/60 right. My peripheral vision in my right eye was gone. there was also damage to the optic nerver in the left eye.
The damage is permanent. But the doc said if the pressures could be brought down, and maintained in normal range, my eyes would not get worse.
He gave me an anhydrase inbitor, diotropin, and three eye drops. The next day the pressures were well with normal range. I can't get corrective glasses until the swelling in the nerves goes down.
But my eyesight was saved.
Open angle glaucoma can strike at any age, and anyone can have it and not know it can be asymptomatic, for years. The key to avoid damage is regular eye exams. Which I in my ignorance, did not do.
For more info on glaucoma, visit here:https://www.glaucoma.org/index.php
Gary Stone RN
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