Martyr Minstrels
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Once in a land far away, well, not really far away, but a long time ago, there were two men. One of these men was tall, had long hair, and a beard, his name is, and was Bryan. The other was not as tall, short hair, and awesome patchy sideburns, this fellows name was Richard. Anyways onto the story, as for I am sure you are all ready and excited to read the riveting, TRUE tale of the Martyr Minstrels.
Bryan was an interesting guy; he liked to play his awesome riffy riffs on his guitar. He could come up with riffs almost immediately. But then one day he had lost his magical touch. He could not come up with a tasty riff for all the land to listen to and love as they always had, so naturally, he gave up on his musical talents, and started working at an electronics dealer. He found himself constantly moping about what he was going to do with the rest of his life, surely, he couldn’t continue with his musical dream.
Richard, well what can we say about Richard, always jazzing around with his guitar, busting out the occasional chord progression, thinking, he is actually good at it, and the most twisted lyrics ever heard, well the most twisted, that could actually be read to people and not offend them. So then one day while playing his guitar, he realized, I have nothing to sing about, and naturally, just like Bryan, he gave up on his musical dreams and started working as a bingo caller.
Now the most important part of this story includes a young couple, by the names of Lindsay, and Evan. Bryan was friends with Lindsay for many a year, same concept goes with Richard and Evan, and one day, Bryan and Richard met. No, No, No, this isn’t a gay love story about two young gay men, trying to tell their parents about their gay adventures. No, this story is so much more than that, this story is the most significant story in all story telling history.
Bryan and Richard had become pretty good friends, hanging out, playing music from other artists, but one day Bryan said that He and Richard, should start a band, and sure enough, they thought it was a good idea. They figured out a good bridge for a song that Richard had already created, along with some more words, because the song that Richard had created was only about thirty-five seconds long. So they finished the first Martyr Minstrels song, known as, Wigger Fart. Now this is not very significant to the story, but it gets far more interesting, very quickly.
Brian and Richard had decided, they should take a vacation, mainly to try to clear their heads, and possibly when they got back to their home town, be able to create some more great music. They Decided they would do it the way everyone likes to, they would backpack their whole vacation, besides, in order to be rockers you need to have the commitment of waking up at the crack of noon, for rock squats, and how better to do rock squats than with backpack full of clothes and food. So next was to decide the destination, where should they go? Well what better than Europe.
In Europe they went all over looking for inspiration. And they found their next destination. They visited a place, that would later be named The Sisteen Chapel. Now this is a very important event, for you see while visiting the sisteen chapel, they met a man who called himself Mike. Now mike told them he was painting a mural. Bry, and Rich looked at this mural, and they couldn’t see anything in it, it was just white, and it had two stick figure people, what they were doing, we may never know. So Richard And Bryan said to Mike, that they thought this was pretty crappy all in all. Mike agreed, but he kept telling them, that it would be far better if he could have some paprika. Now incidentally, Europe was completely out of paprika. There was none in all the land, so what better to do, than get the paprika.
Richard and Bryan sat down and plotted the rest of their trip; they would stop in Egypt that would be their first stop. From Egypt they would continue on to Africa, why Africa you may be asking. Well Africa at the time was the largest supplier of paprika in the entire universe. So their plan seemed simple, they would stop for a night in Egypt, among other places, but these other places have no value to out story besides filler, so now you can make the decision for me, shall I write about these other places, or should I not? You tell me, anyone wanting me to write about the filler places that serve no value to the story send one Canadian dollar to: Richard Nahkala YES
Or if you would prefer for me not to write about the filler places, just simply send one Canadian dollar to: Richard Nahkala NO
After many months of waiting for your responses, and many thousands of dollars, you, the people have spoke, and I will not write about the stupid filler places.
So where was I? Yes the places they visited. So Bryan and Richard eventually made their way to Egypt, and they were both like, whoa, this place is bare, it needs some cool monuments. Richard and Brian both sat down and planned this. Eventually they got tired and fell asleep. While sleeping they were abducted by aliens. YES ALIENS. The aliens were about to probe them when Bryan started talking about the monument, the aliens got into this, and together, with the aliens, Bryan and Richard planned out, and designed what they wanted to call a triangle crypt. They were quite disappointed later to find that they had called one of the three triangle crypts, the pyramid Geza. But anyways, the aliens forced Bryan and Richard to do all the work, yes that is right, the pyramid were designed, AND BUILT by Bryan and Richard in one night. I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR HISTORY BOOKS TELL YOU! IT WAS BRYAN, RICHARD AND THE ALIENS! IN ONE NIGHT! So yes, once they finished the pyramids, the aliens agreed to let Bryan and Richard go free, so long as Bryan and Richard found them a new person to anal probe, so naturally, Bryan referred the aliens to Evan, Evan likes anal probes.
Brian and Richard loved Egypt, they truly wanted to stay and mingle with Cleopatra some more, but with all the materials they had to buy, they had maxed out their visa, so naturally they had to leave, they had no money. Now pay attention to that detail, (they had no money) just remember that, deal? Okay, so Bryan and Richard left Egypt, and again, passed some rather lame cities that mean nothing to this story.
Oh my, I almost forgot there is one more very important city. Just before they left for Africa, a nice man told them they don’t want to go to Africa, its scary down there, there are animals there that could have eaten Bryan and Richard whole. Naturally Bry, and Rich said screw Africa, and decided to go to England. Now on their way to England they stopped at a pub, I believe it was called Ye Olde Pube, I could be wrong though. So at the pup, they drank A LOT of mead, I mean, not just a few pints, I mean like a few barrels, EACH, THINK ABOUT IT PEOPLE, ONE BARREL OF MEAD IS GOING TO DESTROY YOU! Anyways while they were drunk they met a new friend. This friend was a very bad influence on our two heroes; he got them to smoke marijuana, also known as weed, probably about twenty ounces of that stuff. Oh yeah you could call it the sticky icky, Mary j, all sorts of names, but that’s alright, we’ll continue on.
So our two heroes, being stoned, and drunk out of their minds, decided, hey, we can take anything The Africa has to dish out. So they headed to Africa, now, by the time they got to Africa they were so completely addicted to marijuana that it wasn’t even funny, they spent all their money on marijuana, (NOW FOR THE TEST TO SEE IF YOU WERE PAYING ATTENTION! You should be saying, wait I thought they had no money, that’s why they left Egypt. So now your all sitting there saying oh yeah, that’s right, WELL PAY ATTENTION FROM NOW ON, LIKE GEEEZE!) so they completely forgot that they were supposed to buy paprika while they were in Africa, now, a very important thing happens, they bout an ounce of what they thought was weed. After returning to their camp site, Bryan started packing his peace pipe, then realized, that this was paprika, not weed, but oh well, Bryan was so upset that he smoked the paprika, at this point they were completely out of money, and decided that since they smoked the paprika, they should go tell Mike the bad news.
Now, this is the most IMPORTANT part of the story, after returning to Europe they saw that Mike had gotten absolutely no progress done on the mural. After releasing the bad news of their journey to Mike, Mike snapped, slapped each of them across the mouth and left. Now Bryan and Richard were worried, they we wondering, how could this have a negative effect on the future one day, because they planned on living in the future, that was part of their life long plan, to one day be alive in the future. So Brian and Richard thought, and thought some more, then they remembered. Richard, Richard had taken some painting class’s ion art class, so naturally Richard started painting the mural. Bryan sat back and supervised and gave Richard pointers, like a line there, some shading here, you know, the basics. So when it was all said and done, Bryan and Richard Marvelled at their great masterpiece.
Eventually they got bored and went home, they were shocked to find that people had completely got the idea of the mural wrong, they all said that it was a man trying to reach to God. Now I’m here to set the record straight, you see, my name is Richard, I WAS THE PAINTER, I know that it was actually the first fart joke in history, Bryan and I took the step, and it was awesome, we created the pyramids, WHICH till the day I die will always be known as TRIANGLE CRYPTS, we gave our buddy Evan to the aliens, we smoke some paprika, and you know what, I know you don’t believe me, butBand/artist history
well, you know, we were just kickin it with a tasty groove, listening to "The D" and yeah, one thing lead to another, and we painted the sistine chapel and made a song about it, ....enjoyHave you performed in front of an audience?well, you know yeah
Your musical influences
Tenacious D, Wierd Al Yankovic, System of a Down, and The Incredibly Incrimination Device Formerly Known as VANGBOT THE DESTRUCTO CANNON OF DOOMWhat equipment do you use?
PRESIDENTS CHOICE, and FENDERAnything else?
Anything goes here? what? is this some kind of wierd kinky sex site? Wait are you a music posting site? or are you trying to sell us sex toys....wait thats why you wanted my adress....All comments (1)
1,764 plays
18,587 views
18,587 views
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Martyr
@martyrminstrels
well everyone we made it to the big time we have a space on a free under advertised website after moving out of a sewer underneath the bowling alley with a large mexican sewer rat infestation. You see, we liked it, but the rats were eating our underwear and such