I can hear what you are trying to do. I think the song is good but the production and delivery need work. Specifically, the drum track seems to be dragging which makes the rythmn of the whole song a little herky jerky. You might want to try just playing the minimum number of bars for each instrument into ACID and looping the parts. Lastly, the vocal delivery was kind of timid. If you are going to sing it then sing it with the full emotional force of the lyric. - my two cents. Good song though.
I can hear what you are trying to do. I think the song is good but the production and delivery need work. Specifically, the drum track seems to be dragging which makes the rythmn of the whole song a little herky jerky. You might want to try just playing the minimum number of bars for each instrument into ACID and looping the parts. Lastly, the vocal delivery was kind of timid. If you are going to sing it then sing it with the full emotional force of the lyric. - my two cents. Good song though.