Kitten Mincers

I'm a band leader. Not only can I drink a whole lot, but I play 23 different instruments, too and I don't even know how to read music. Self-taught, you know. Couldn't tell it, though, to hear me play. When I play and sway in rhythm to the catchy little tunes that I know, girls for five miles around get hot pants for me, hotcha!

We prefer to remain anonymous for tax and Child Support Agency reasons.

Members of the band have appeared with a number of popular beat combos including Inside Leg, The Bewdley Rock Gods, The Blockley Rock Odds. Spinal Tap, The Mothers of Invention and The Beatles.

We were only in the audience for some of these.

I find it better than playing dead, although some fans say otherwise. (Hi Josh!)

Special moments usually occur at 0400 in the morning, but when listening to them again in the cold light of day, the magic seems to have mysteriously vanished.

Zappa, Beefheart, Floyd, Richard Thompson, Bewdley Rock Gods, Sugababes.

Tokai Strat, Peavey bass, Yamaha acoustic, no-name mandolin and 12 string acoustic, Roland SH-101 analogue, Roland MIDI synth, Behringer desk, hard disc recorder, Revox A77, Tascam 34B, Talisker.

Visit www.hermitscave.org/forum (unless you value your sanity)