In The Arms of Satan

We totally rock.

Originicus: The Origin of In the Arms of Satan As Told by Black (A.K.A. MC Razor-Throat Skreech-Masta) Many eons ago, in the Yearicus Satanicus 12 G.Y.N. (Post O.B. Period), in the Hellish Hell Pits of Hellish Hell Fire (In Hell, southside bitches), two mighty demons of major naughtiness came into being. The flopped out, with much messiness and fluids, from the most fearsome of all she-demons: she that was called, “Oprah”. Their true names cannot be pronounced with normal human speech organs, so mortals have dubbethed them, “Death and Black”. Bitches. The Dark Lord of Eternal Doom (Satan, for the retards) bestowed upon them multiple gifts that were many. He gave Death the gift of the mighty Earthshaker Growl, which was able to shake the earth! He also bequeathed to him the dark knowledge of the arcane instrument of darkness: the guitar! It was most rocking. The Duke of Darkness bestowed upon him one final gift: the dreaded Emofaggicus Smiticus; the legendary baseball bat with which to bludgeon the most hated Emo-Fag. Black received many a gift as well. He came to possess the Soulbreaker Shriek, which could break souls! The Lord of Damnation also gave him the skills necessary to master the mad phat bass lines. It was most funky. Finally, Black was given Choppicus Fallacious, with which to choppeth off the wienies of the righteous. He was also given a brief rap career as “MC Razorthroat Skreech-Masta”, but that is another tale. After being gifted with such ghastly goodies, the Demonic Duo of Doom set out to wreak havoc amongst the world. The pillaged, they raped, they killed, but mostly, they just raped. Unfortunately, even rape loses its appeal after centuries. Death and Black became bored with their violence and pootie-tang-infested life-style, and decided to answer their true calling: falafels. In the Yearicus Satanicus 1572 G.Y.N., they opened their very own Middle-Eastern delicatessen. They prepared many a falafel, kafikabob, and the occasional Turkish Delight for the filthy worm children. Death and Black operated their consumption center happily, but the call of Evil and Naughtiness was too much to resist. The pressure was far to much for either of them to endure, and one fateful day they finally bowed to the Duke-O-Doom’s bidding by placing tacks in the falafel patties, therein causing many a poke in the throats of the Righteous. It was most rocking. The Health Demons shut down the Demonic Duo’s falafel establishment, but it did not matter, for Death and Black had a new plan in the baking: they would assemble an army with which to assault the very gates of Heaven itself! However, how would two ugly little fellows such as these gather so many to swell their ranks? “Oh Senor Diablo, for where do we gather such an army? They must be beefy and large, but they must be just as stupid and oafish! Please, tell us, Mr. Satan”, the pleaded the Dark Lord. Unfortunately, the Devil was a Bush supporter, and did not approve of their opening a Middle-Eastern restaurant, so he cut off all communication with the pair. There was much sorrow betwixt Death and Black. They needed to find some Oafs, and fast, but where would the get them? Logically, they embarked for the Oaf capital of the world. After a long journey of most shitty gas mileage in the H2 (the official vehicle of Hell), they reached their destination: Texas. Unfortunately, Texas was far too oafish; too much meat, not enough mind. They were also crazy Bible-Humpers. Next, they tried the NFL. They did not succeed by any means. They were instantly assaulted, raped, and given illegal steroids. They met the same fate at the GOP headquarters. They tried many more and Oaf Stronghold, but were always met with the same failure. For where could they find some Oafs? It looked most grim for the Naughty Nightlords. They failed to find any that were suitable for their Army of the Apocalypse. It seemed as if they should give up. But, then, a most Macabre Miracle took place: a new cultural phenomenon swept the Earth, uniting Oafs in the name of Satan. It was called, Metal. Finally Death and Black had their Army of Imbeciles with which to do their bidding! However, they had not won them. First, they needed to purify their army by eliminating potential threats to their cause. Figures like Bon-Jovie, Poison, and an innumerable amount of other Pube-Metal bands were all targets. Black used his Offensive Magic Bonus (+12 to Offensive Curse rolls, ho!) against them, cursing them all with a lack of testosterone, more stupidity, and even bigger egos (it should be noted that Axl Rose was not among those suffering under Black’s Ego-Curse; he’s always been an egomaniacal bastard). Slowly, Metal became even more vicious, loud, and Satanic. It was now time for Phase Two of their plan. Death and Black established their own metal band. Neither of them could play drums, so they animated the corpse of Princess Diana, and filled it with the knowledge of the Arcane Thunder Set. The dubbed the corpse, Decay, and there was much rejoicing. Phase Two had been completed. In the Arms of Satan was complete! Now, all that remained was pulling crazy hits out of their Apocalyptic Asses, gaining control of the metal scene. Once this step was completed (and indeed, it is very near completion), the Heavens shall be raped up its Angelic Ass! Join us, Oaf, in our unholy quest to overthrow the King of Heaven, and establish a new order! Bow to us, bitches.

Punk, Black Metal, Death Metal, Gothic Metal... more punk...

FUCK TECHNO, but we have keyboards sometimes...

support us and tell your friends bitches!