Funeral Music

Failing Falling Stars

By Jeffrey Hull

Falling deep into this mind of questions and rejected suggestions, the time has come for yet another change. Sleeping on the edge of my borrowed bed, I rest in my mistakes lying across a memories intention to wash away this very memory. When I awake I may be deaf and mute with no lingering vision. Spiritually I have gained 26 years worth of solitude, the joy of being killed and reborn continually, as well as deep sadness around the fact that I will never make it home. I had become bored with myself and with my never-ending wisdom and knowledge. 25 years ago I tried this same alteration of divinity.

I cut myself in two for the sake of argument. A divine split personality

. Alpha and Omega.

I remember waking up one mourning and longing for lost truth.

Truth which had become fiction as is every memory.

Sadness.

I would walk up to strangers and ask them questions.

“Would you like to talk about my death?”

“No, today is not a good day” he replies as he is called in by the psychiatrists.

I lay in bed naked looking out the window at a full moon

Closed eyes

Needles dot lights.

Shining through your lost forgotten sight,

all that exists in this moment

this room.

The blinds are up.

Windows covered with sheets of wooden paper

hiding the sound of the nothing behind these walls.

I hear screaming.

10,000 voices in a single section of hell.

Let me back to mother, she held me close

the moon is on fire.

father lay dead in the head at age 32

that is what I remember of him

His death.

We don’t talk any more because when I talk he wont listen.

When he talks he isn’t speaking.

At once he mentioned,

“When I have a family I will be complete.”

He completely

lost control.

This is my reflection

stop staring at me

god was alone.

god was depressed.

god killed herself.

A way to express.

(Big Bang Theory?)

Now billions of pieces

insects, children’s toys, blood, and other ideas.

god is bleeding.

Maybe she will want to make love.

Maybe she really did die.

If not, than she has failed

and hates her dream even more.

She asked me to imagine being alone forever

playing a game creating fake separate entities

to pretend I am not alone

10,000 years have passed.

I forget what she is speaking about.

You run into your self

and she says some thing like

you” “I am

and you know she is right

and I know I am right.

Reflection

in everything

between heaven and hell, good and evil.

The clock reads 6:07.

So afraid of death

in the end

when we tried to die we lived

as the dream began again!

I saw myself in my mother

I remembered At Once

we were once one.

Mother earth sleeps for half of her life

as the sun is always awake

sick from birth.

I stared at the son for four years

I spoke to the sun

and fell in love.

She began to resent me

because I could only give her attention for half of each day.

I could see her face in the earthling’s eyes

burning hearts.

Blowing out the candles.

Sleeping during the day

for months out only under the black sky.

I miss you.

I see millions of her brothers and sisters.

They tell me that she has committed to suicide.

I wait all night for her to come back to me.

Crying, the only reason I see clearly

Shooting stars drip down my face

until a stranger named time takes her memory’s place

and lay with in my eyes.

By the time the sun came up

I had forgotten that I was waiting for her to rise.

Now all I want is to wake up, before I hit the ground

and shatter.

Into billions of tiny pieces.

i heard some one playing piano while i was in my grandfather's room in albany ny. i was about 5 years old. ive never been so awestruck. i think it came from the church down the street. i have been dreaming of that song ever since... although, i dont remember how it went, i just know that this sounds similair.

the sound of the rain.

the sound of children crying.

the sound of lovers loving.

the silence of life.

the thundering silence of death.

digital piano. 2 cables and a multi tracker.

i recorded these songs live, while playing free.

these songs were not written, they just came out over a 7 year span.

except for the exception of two of these songs.