You suffer as many bad relationships as I have, you learn to take responsibility for your own happiness. That's why I drink. And masturbate. Some people say you’re supposed to feel guilty about masturbating. If you meet someone who doesn’t masturbate, run. ‘Cos they're deviants. Think of it as one-way sex. Ménage a une. Ya wanna get good, you gotta practice. Stop when you want, take notes. My happiness is my job, I won't put that responsibility on anything else. Okay, maybe a blow-up doll, but eventually you get tired of winning every argument. “You never lift a finger around here!” She just sits there with her mouth open.