JESUS OLDMAN
Alternative New York, NY  USA jesusoldman.bandcamp.com
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Updated.
My band, the simple answer is they're a bunch of friends of mine. The complicated answer, is still they're a bunch of friends of mine. They live someplace else.. like another plane of existence. Less said the better, you wouldn't believe me. So yeah, I either have help, or one guy did all this. Either view works for me. The band decided on the name "The Apostles" because I'm Jesus and they're a bunch of freakin' smartasses. It sounds cool though. It's been a busy year... it has for us anyway... We have a "homepage", we were there chronologically before we were here at SoundClick, but we do like here better... it's too dead over at the other place, even for us... but, if you wanna have a look... that would be, Jesus Oldman at bandcamp with no mosquito repellent Yes, that is the thing I previously called, 'homepage', it is at bandcamp.com I now think of here, SoundClick, as my true "Home Page"... as "THE TRUE JESUS OLDMAN HEADQUARTERS", ...bandcamp simply was chronologically earlier, so yes, there are a few Jesus Oldman albums there, that are not here... that having been said... Though by now, I have reissued some of our better older songs, so they're mostly here now anyway... I now consider SoundClick, My Real Musical Home... My real Home Page... Our Real Musical Home... They give me a look if I'm all 'me me me me' about it... SoundClick, IS, Headquarters to JESUS OLDMAN & THE APOSTLES... Why? People actually listen to the music here, I am happy about this. It's just... Music... not some clique scene... SoundClick Gets MORE LISTENERS. That's Kind Of Important. It is to us. So... as the year of our Lord 2018 comes to an end... we like to kind of re-do the interview... then we'll worry about it again in a year...
Band/artist history
We grew instruments and began making a noise, eventually we refined this noise into what you hear now. Well we keep trying to refine it, without losing our edge. No point in being fartheads about it.
Have you performed in front of an audience?
Any special memories? ...my most special memories are when I visit my Tatiana. Have I ever performed in front of an audience... yes, many times, most memorably, in 1985, leading the back up band for Tiny Tim (anyone remember him?) ... it was spur of the moment, Tim had shown up with no band, the promoter begged us to do it, the band was silent, all eyes turned to me, I said 'okay, sure'... Tim did not rehearse with us, nor did he tell us what songs he was going to play... most of his repertoire was actually standards---from the nineteenth century---none of us knew them! I however had the best ears in the band, so I told them all to 'just follow me'... I followed what Tiny Tim played, the band followed me. That was the first time anyone asked me for my autograph. "You stole the show!" some young lady told me... What, just 'cause I leaped around the stage like an Energizer Bunny with the guitar blaring? Okay. Thanks.
Your musical influences
Okay let's refresh this... one of the Apostles is not exactly like the others, she's close though... most of 'em are he, she's she, although...um, well anyway... we all influence each other... and we all are responsible and we do not drive under the influence, especially of each other, that would be disastrous... we do egg each other on in the studio though... we're that way. You know, we listen... it all goes in... we'll use anything and everything... we're not specifically tied to one explicit genre... we call it "Alternative General" I think, 'cause, it sounds most like "Anything and Everything We Bloody Well Feel Like Playing"...
What equipment do you use?
any and everything, I'm that way... honestly? Poor boy stuff... you'd be amazed at everything I can do with almost nothing. Well that's a simple, and very true answer. I know, some people like to rattle it off, brag about they have a K-T-Zapadoodle Module with a Zork Constant Wammajammer 3000... that stuff, bragging about equipment, puts me to sleep... you can have all that stuff, if you can't still just bang out a tune that people are gonna wanna hear, then that stuff doesn't really matter. It's less the pen and more how you sign your name...
Anything else?
I love you Tatiana. Yours, Jesus. Yeah, that's a Shout Out To My Girlfiend. She calls me Whale. I call her Mermaid. Yeah I know, we're weird. It works for us though. So... what else? Thanks for listening, and please keep listening, because we really are trying to make The Bestest Greatest Music In The World, not to be big-headed about it... What does it take to do that? Well, so far we seem to have narrowed it down to, simplicity as a default, complexity as an off-set to simplicity, (in other words, to keep the simplicity from getting boring...) always, honesty, and, really, honesty to a greater degree than most people will EVER bother with using in general speech. On account of what a banana boat this world kind of is. Like, you have this world, it's nuts, and you have, all these people, kind of pretending like 'oh, this is normal'. What IS normal? I think it's a statement of "I don't wanna know how nuts it all is, I'll be normal instead." I suspect, to a large degree, normal does not actually exist... The Apostle who's a Girl, likes to tell me, "Everyone has their own brand of crazy" I think this is true. So... Maybe you came here, looking for a clue... "How can you DEAL WITH THIS WORLD BETTER, Jesus?" Don't let it make you shrink. Rise up in it's face. It'll still be a crazy-ass world, but that does not mean you have to give it an easy time about it. Dare To BE YOU. In Living COLOR And PANORAMIC STEREO. And if anyone gives you a hard time, Tell 'em Jesus is a Personal Friend, and Mellow The F*** Out. Oh. Right. I should say something Theology-ish too, shouldn't I. What with being JESUS and all. There is ONE God. No matter what you Call God. And, you wanna know? No Denomination Has Yet Completely "nailed it"... so, instead of working with a belief structure, go for, an idea... And the more you look around, the more you get, FORD, The BETTER IDEA. Only Mustang Makes It Happen. Okay that last two things I said, I'm just being a friggin' idiot. It happens sometimes. Sorry. Love, JESUS & The Apostles... Anything you guys wanna say? JOHN: I don't know Him. He's bigger though, He'll kick my ass if I don't admit that. GEORGE: I know Him, He's a very nice fellow isn't He. Well, John's a bit obnoxious, so, do the math.. BUDDY: Wha? Huh? You didn't tell me I gotta say anything here, Man. Have Heart, Have Faith, Land on your feet... SUE: I'm actually kind of proud of you, Kid. Oh wow. Thanks, Sue. Right back at ya. JESUS OLDMAN And now... this. A Gorilla Walks Into A Bar... A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words. He can't believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it. So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he's standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, "Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything." So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change. The gorilla doesn't say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini. After a few minutes the bartender just can't take it anymore. "You know," he says to the gorilla, "we don't get too many gorillas in here." And the gorilla says, "At nineteen dollars a drink I'm not surprised."
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