It took me a fairly longer time than it should have to realize, but I figured out that its best to keep my mouth shut. Only in one particular matter. That matter would be self-expression.
Ive found over the years that whenever I try to tell somebody how I really feel about something, the results are usually disastrous. Right from the start I should have began learning. Disagreement with my father would usually lead to quarrels or verbal abuse, with my mother not much different. Throughout elementary and middle school, if I spoke to a counselor about a problem with another student in school Id have done so specifically because I didnt want my parents to know I was in trouble. It would usually wind up going home by a phone call or the mail anyway. Getting deeper into things, by high school came the opposite sex, and pretty much whenever I revealed my interest in a particular female to her, shed disappear from my social situation in no time. Even if I didnt directly reveal such feelings to the aforementioned female, Id usually end up shouting my new obsessions name on a mountaintop, so all those around me could hear it and then aptly use it against me. The more I spoke of the feelings in my heart, the less the society I was in could accept me. It took me far to long to learn this, and even now I do not fully understand the follies of frontal-self-expression.
Im very lucky though. And some of you may be too. There are gifts that few have on this earth. Forms of self-expression sent down from the heavens. Magic that transforms these once insane gestures into things that can influence nations. Abilities given to us to allow us to sublimate our woes into sheer things of beauty.
This gift my friends, comes in any form of art. Musically, visually, or written, the arts allow us to fully express what were feeling and in a way that society can accept, even APPLAUD at times. I was eight or nine years old when my gifts began to come into realization, and all thanks to one amazing and caring old lady in my life. The Christmas of that year, my grandmother on my mothers side, or Nannie as we affectionately called her, had brought me a guitar as a gift. At the moment I received it my eyes lit up with excitement, and at the time I didnt even really know why. I just had a feeling that it was something very special, and later in my life, this would of course be proven to me. It began with me listening to the radio, being able to play the notes of this song or that song just by having heard it before. And this began to evolve. My skills improved and my thresholds rose, allowing me to sing along with even more complicated songs. Music had given me a way to express myself that would cause people to stop, listen, and perhaps, empathize. I could SING my feelings from my heart. This was far more powerful than TALKING them.
The expansion of my abilities continued as time went by. A few years ago my brother max began taking piano lessons, so we naturally bought a piano. I sat down at it a few times and screwed around, tried moonlight sonata in the wrong key, or a purist cover or two of Nine Inch Nails, but soon enough it would amount to something more than I had ever accomplished. One day I was feeling rather down and I really wasnt sure what was wrong. Old memories were coming back. Bad ones. So I sat down at the piano and played a few notes, pretty much simple arpeggios or two note chords. As it stood, the melody sounded alright, but wasnt complete yet. Later that week the bridge of the melody just came to me. I sat down, I played it, I knew it would work. By the end of the month, I had a full song written. It was of course a ballad, and I named it Llorer which is the Spanish word for to cry. The subject of the song came to be my lament of the fate my heart had seemed to condemn me to at the time. I went from place to place searching for a love that could match mine, because ever since I knew that love existed it was all I wanted in this life. That match was nowhere to be found. The song is an expression of my opinion of myself romantically, and the time it will surely take for me to find a match. I am a romantic to the point where I consider myself literally mentally ill, and until I find an angel with a heart of pure gold, I will not be able to complete myself and stand up.
Several songs followed this. I now have about six written over the course of four years, mostly sounding the same, but sounding good nonetheless. And more importantly, each is a moment trapped in time. An epiphany frozen in notes and chords. A work of art that came from the heart. More experimentation has followed in the ways of artful expression for me, and thus far I must say it has worked out very well for me. I began entering intensive writing classes in school and found that I was able to express myself in amazing way through the art of writing and poetry, and I just keep on writing. Its almost my best way to vent now, but Id still have to say that its second to the magic of music.
If you ever have trouble expressing yourself, remember this. The arts cannot judge and are not biased in the way that we mere human beings are. The rest of the world could tell you youre crazy, that youre not making any sense, or that youre weak, but the arts will always greet you with open arms and the same response; tell me everything. I shall listen. I promise
entitled "Empathy", wrote it last year.
this band started when I was eight years old. my grandma gave me a guitar for christmas. I've just grown since then. as much as I've changed I'm exactly the same
sometimes in coffee houses, sometimes I vocalize for other bands. in braintree mass and the surrounding towns and cities. I also panhandle in boston. if you see me have a dollar ready, college aint fuckin cheap.
my main influence for my original material is TOOL, but that's my rock stuff. that'll be something totally different, so you won't hear any of that here. other than that I'm influenced by the artists I cover and for my piano stuff I'm just influenced by my emotions. I consider each one of those songs a moment immortalized in music.
Acoustic guitar with my ex's bracelet around the neck.
life is love or the lack there of
