Wow. Talk about slap in the face realization. I have been have my troubles you know? With the whole relationship deal.. and I have been taking the time to sit back and think about all of my relationships, all the way back to when I lived in Abilene. My first boyfriend. I was so young.. about 5 or 6 and I loved him! He lived next door to me and every morning I would ride my little tri-cycle around the corner to see him. I remember one day I walked in on a bad argument.. I can not remember much about it, all I know is afterwards we moved. I was heartbroken. The 2nd boy I was with.. was when we moved to Fort Worth. He lived in the apartments we moved into. His name was mark. I was in 2nd grade then. He was a sweet chubby mexican boy that I devoted myself to. I use to rollerblade really fast past his apartment and down this hill to show off for him.. I thought I was a badass. I remember one day it was raining, and we both hid underneath the little part of the ceiling that stuck out over the door to shelter us from the rain.. I even had an M shaved into the back of my head. These were the days that I would hang out with the girls and sing spice girls really loudly infront of my apartment, because my patio looked like a stage. We would just put on shows for everyone. haha. Then there was Brandon Drake.. Oh my I was in love AGAIN. This time it was so real. This was still around 4th or 5th grade. He use to give me stuffed animals, pokemon cards, and when we talked on the phone he always sang me the latest love song that was out. Then 6th-8th grade I was bouncing all over the place. I dated so many people, even same sex. I just didnt care. I was just striving for that childish puppy love that I wanted soo bad. I cried after every person broke up with me, because you know it was the end of the world. Then Highschool came around. I dated this guy names Jeff Llagas [media] He was the sweetest innocent boy. We kissed and joked around about everything. We played videos games, and watched movies. I went to his house a few times and we just cuddled. I fell in love with him. He told me I was the only one, yadayada. He was my babypanda, that boy just made my world so bright and shiny. Then we decided at age 14 or 15 that we wanted to get married. We made huge plans for our 6 month ann. and then he never showed up. He ended up calling me that night, telling me he kissed another girl. That ruined EVERYTHING! He was so "perfect" then he crushed me. After that there was Kerry Patrick Keese I met him at a show. He was so amazing. So smart and so funny. We talked for a few months before he asked me out and it was just so damn cute how he did. This was the beginning of something I have never felt before. This was the real think, no sarcasm in this one. My heart truly went out for him. He gave me everything I ever wanted in a boyfriend. He always called or texted me, messaged cute things on myspace, and just made me feel like I was on top of the world. Then a little before christmas and I think after our 11 month ann. he called it all off. He said things were going to fast for him, and that he needed his time without me. I couldnt take that. I tried so hard to still talk to him, and he just didnt want it. This went on for 6 months. Then a miracle happened.. and I found out he really still cared. We got back together June 11,2007. At first everything was back to normal, then boom the changes started falling in like the world was falling apart, and he just didnt have enough time for me anymore. We ended for the 2nd time In november sometime.. and I still cant stop thinking about all that he has helped me with in life. We hardly talk now, not by my choice.. I am just giving him his space. Basically what this is all coming down to though, is I am stu