I came down here to the water to try to find something to write about. All I keep coming back to is the beauty that I find here. The sun is shining so bright I cannot hardly see to write. Glistening off the water like stars in a liquid sky. Birds soaring thru the sky to land on a light post. There's peace her for me, at least for awhile. As I sit here the outside world dissipates and I just enjoy the sunshine. But, no matter what, the outside starts slipping back in. Sneaking into my peace to disrupt it once again. I know that others go thru this type of soul searching....don't they? I mean, is everyone else happy but me? I cannot believe that I am the only one who is lost. Maybe I'm just the only one who knows it. And, I do know it. I am lost and alone and so sad. It all comes down to being alone. I want with my soul to fall in love and be loved by someone. Not searching in the right places. Not sure where that may be. Need to be out in the real world and not sitting here writing. I don't even earn money for this.....so why do I have this need to write? To put my thoughts on paper as if anyone will ever care to read them. Even if they did read them, they would feel pity for me, or, perhaps, understanding. We probably all have these feelings of helplessness, but I'm just writing them down. Damn, you know all I ever do is wait for a man to call me. I bring my cell phone with me just in case someone wants to speak with me. And, you know, they never do. I think I'll cancel my service. That way it won't be a constant reminder that I am alone. As if I need to be reminded. Noone knows better than me. I try to fill my time with my granddaughter or the tv or the computer....but, it is just not enough. I'm not sure anything will ever be enough. No, "something" will never be enough. There must be someone to care about or else I will always be alone. Alone with my thoughts, alone with my things, alone with my memories of you....