I would have to say. A combination of many things happening too fast all at once. As I'm typing this a tear is rolling down my cheek, I haven't cried since I don't know when was the last time I cried.

[NOTE: that pic was taken of me with a temp of 104.7 degrees. I was taken the the hospital the next day.]

Sunday. I went to Church and tried to do the praise and worship but all I could do was sit in my chair and lean my head against the wall. As soon as the service started I walked to the back and tried to rest on the couch. I did not realize I was there for the entire service and I felt cold. My dad felt my head and I was burning hot so they moved me to the even colder room which made me feel more uncomfortable. I didn't have an appetite, nothing. Ate Ching and I went home early because I was in really bad condition. As soon as I got home I went to bed and didn't even change, I was still wearing my jean and sweater. I didn't even have the energy to take the medicine I bought.

Monday. Morning at like 2AM my mom put a rag over my head and my dad took my temp which reached 104.7° I seriously felt like I was dying. I felt really cold and I was shivering when I was sweating like crazy, my entire body ached, I had no appetite to eat, I could not taste anything, I had to change my clothes 5 times that night because I was sweating through my clothes rapidly, I felt really hot but I did not want to remove any blankets because I got cold fast. I was shivering even when I wasn't cold. I didn't go to the ER till around 8am. I asked for the pills but the doc recommended the injection because I was in pretty bad condition or else the illness will last longer than 3-4 days. So I took the shot, I hate needles and it hurt really bad. They were going to give me an injection for my body aches but one shot was enough so I requested the pills for those. I regret not taking that shot because the pills are NOT working.

Tuesday. Still sweating like crazy, changed my clothes twice that night, still coughing, still aching, still feverish, but my temperature dropped to 101° which is still pretty high. Basically, eat, sleep, sweat, and drink water and Gatorade all day. Oh and watching a bunch of dance vids on youtube.

Wednesday. Recovery is about 70% I'm still sweating, still coughing, still have to change my clothes like twice (during the DAY). I have really bad headaches and cramps. And junk food makes me sick... I feel sick to my stomach. I'm guessing its the oil.

Now its currently 10:08PM and my entire body still feels sweaty, it disgust me but doc says its good to sweat.

Other than the fact that I'm sick, there has been so many other things happening to me. I honestly don't like to cry, when it happens, there's a reason to it. I'm easy to hide my emotions so when I cry, it will happen. Right now I need comfort but I can't even get that at my own home because it's not the place that is giving me comfort. It's giving me stress. Making me feel worthless, useless, unimportant. Makes me feel like I'm not good enough. Makes me feel stupid, weak... Yes. Makes me feel like shit. There was a point in my life where I was suicidal because of what was going on, but now I turn to God for all this. But even God knows we all fall down a hole and got to learn to climb back up the hard way and right now. I'm in the deepest hole you can find.

I'm lost, I'm upset. To be honest, I just want to be healthy and laugh.

-p

p.s.
Thanks for your support you guys. Once I feel better I will get to writing about music.