To say that it has been to long since I posted a new blog here is a major understatement... I have no excuses. I became caught up in the day-to-day grind that has been my life. Revenant had to take a backseat to good old Dave Minor when it came to getting my life together.
Since May of 2009 when I last posted, I have moved to Colorado then back to TX then back to CO. Long story. Let's just say that the life I led there is mostly past and I had to learn the hard way to let go and accept change as I have often claimed is the key to living with my own self, fears, hopes and accomplishments as well.
I made the move to just outside of Colorado Springs to be nearer a very special person, my writing partner. Not a lovelife or a possible relationship but an actual working and living arrangement that allows me to focus full-time on writing and to live life as fully and happy as I can. A major step for a person who has had issues of social anxiety and a mostly solitary existence for years.
I spent many months in a round table of email writing with new people who helped me find that I was not happy and I could do more for my life. There was just as much support from these near strangers as the wonderful friends I met here. Between these friends and the support network I built here and other places I learned to trust and to reach out. I am still, as always, a work in progress, and I will always be.
The catalyst that began the change was finding a friend that I knew as a child and then again as a teenager in high school. I found that we both shared a love for writing and a dream of making a serious career of it. She also was instrumental in giving me something I never knew I was missing... a partner to work with that I would not want to let down.
Letting myself down is par for course but I seem to be able to pull just a bit more strength when I have someone else counting on me: friends, family, even strangers. I work harder to make the partnership work and she makes sure I do not put myself past my own limits and burn myself out like I have done so often before.
Together we are stronger than we are apart and yet, we are still solo writers as well. It is a great thing and I am proud to have this friend once more in my life and it has made all the difference in the world.
This is short, compared to most of my ravings but I think it is one of the truly greatest blogs regarding my thoughts and doings. I will try to be more "regular" about my posts here as well.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes..

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?â€쳌

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.â€쳌

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

~~ Revenant ~~

Hi All.
Long time, no blog. Over a year I think. Have not really checked. So why now? Well, I have lost contact with a few of you and I would love tht contact to be returned. I miss SC more than even sometimes I admit. My first Love was here, my first opening up my soul, as glorious or dark as it has been happened on these pages...
Here is the skinny on the latest:
1) Finished Book 2 of The Revenant Cycle when I was forced to take an unexpected leave of the web from September to January. Many of my finest friends were worried for me and my state of mind knowing that his was one of my very few outlets. Well, I can say it was hard. I can say it was extremely tough and emotionally devastating to be cut off from my support network which I happily and sadly admit exists more Online than Off.
The second book is called Faerie Dark and has Revenant in a few chapters but mostly deals with the Fair Folk and their place in the world I have built. I am currently working on the third book and watch for my announcement soon about it. It ties some loose ends together and yet, opens up more mysteries as well.
2) The hunt for a publisher goes on. Every time I think I have one interested they slip off the hook (metaphorically speaking, but don't give me ideas! Editors are NOT easy to deal with...) I hope my chances will improve as i move this coming summer...
3) My family life is strained to say the least. I want out and I want out asap. I just think i am making progress when the carpet is yanked from under my feet. It is time, past time, I did something for myself.
4) My physical health has waxed and waned over the past year... My pain has tripled in some cases and I have a myriad of other issues that I fight with all my heart but my Heart itself was damaged last year and I am not always at my peak. I hav for the last three weeks - a month been in such bad pain at times i am not sure if a baby Alien is trying to burst out! My legs feel as if they have run multiple marathons and my upper body aches even from typing. My legs hurt more when I lay, my arms and neck when I sit, Standing is completely impossible for any length of time... Why? I don't know. I have no Dr here and the cold hard facts are I am not likely to as to as long as I live under the same roof with my mother. My problems you see are because I have "no pain tolerance." as she puts it. Well, when I am crying myself to sleep in bed because the pain is do incredibly bad and I have no way to stop it, I strt getting more and more depressed. I am up now so I can hopefully find the "zone" in my writing and ignore the body issues but it has yet to be easy.
If you wish to do me a good turn any of the following will be appreciated: light a candle for me, say a prayer, perform some religious ceremony you practice, it matters not to me as I am open to all but it is the well-meant thought that counts.. Believe me, with some of the problems I face, I will not complain one bit..
Finally, I do not want anyone to think I am only here to vent and dump. I write here because I never have been judged here. I write because so many of you mean so much to me and in the long run, not a single one of you has ever turned me out...
Thank You, From the Bottom of my Heart and all My Spirit and Soul,
Dave

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the
seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as
California White minorities still trying to have English
recognized as Mexifornia's third language.


Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States
crops and livestock.


Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.


Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.


Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at
least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.


France pleads for global help after being taken over by
Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!


Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be
imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all
smoking.


George Z.H.W. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.


Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89
and reduces mail delivery to Tue. Wed. Thurs. only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key
to weight loss.


Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.


Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third
consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.


Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast
shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.


Abortion clinics now available in every
High School in United States


Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is
selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on
Tuesdays and Fridays.


Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.


Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their
civil rights.


Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven
inches.


New federal law requires that all nail clippers,
screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by
January 2030


IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.


Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

--- Revenant

Thought that might get some attention... Have to tell you Fiends and Neighbors that it is an oven down here in W. Hell, TX. 91° and expected to be 97 by 3pm... Not a breeze or rain drop in sight (Good news with the Rain as it never lasts long enough and then the humidity makes it horribly oppressive for the rest of the day..)
So, many have asked me what have I been doing... I could give you a veritable laundry list of the whys and wherefores of it all but suffice it to say I have been looking for a way out of this Hell-Hole. I guess that probably sounds rude to anyone down here but I am not usually a person who likes my feet growing roots and in the hot, rock and clay based ground of W. Texas is the LAST place I want to.
I have had some good times here and some wonderful friends that have helped me through some of the roughest patches of road I have had to travel down here but I do not believe I have made it a secret that I WANT OUT! Hell, Canada hears me screaming it! (Note: Check with Brett to make sure) I took a trip to Missouri that ended with me in Misery and a Rheumatic Heart Condition I did not have before... Not a good as time as I hoped and I learned that going ANYWHERE was not the same as going some place where I would be appreciated and loved. Seattle looked good for a while, but the first Queen of My Heart dropped a bombshell on that plan as I did not have the funds to make it on my own. Then there was Houston...
So now I am looking at North Carolina at the foothills of the Smokies and I am fairly sure that that is where I would be happiest. I am committed here in TX until my Mother is safely on her way to Las Vegas to live by my sister as she is not doing well at all and early senility or Alzheimer's is the most likely source. I have had my life veritably turned upside-down since this became apparent and to be honest, I know I have done everything I could within my meager means but I can not drive her around or keep paying for the excesses she entails. I have a wonderful and realistic offer of a home and place where I will be appreciated in NC which is to say, much better than continuous living in the family compound until I become rabid and require a Cujo-like ending. I love my Family but let's face it, if you read my blogs before you know that dysfunctional is a relative term!
When am I moving? Well, that depends on when my Mother is. I owe her that much for her allowing me to come home in 96 when I had nowhere else to go but a State-funded rubber room. Suffice it to say, it could be as early as August or as late as January. No matter the time or season, I know I will be welcome with opened arms and there will be acceptance... and in the final analysis, that was all I ever wanted in the first place...

This is a widget produced by clipmarks.com that allow me to clip up to 1000 characters from a page at a time and post them in a HTML Reader like this... I became a member of Clipmarks in September but I only recently discovered its versatility... If you like this widget and please check out the clips and comment on the blog comment option here on SC, then if the reviews from my friends here are good I will keep a reader here at all times to let you know where i am, what I am doing and what I am finding. Think of it as a mini blog and yes, I will still do my normal ones too.
Thanks All,
Dave

I wrote this for my daughter. Love My Friends' Feedback...
Song of the Angel




Sing a song for the lonely angel.
The one who grew up to fast,
Who thinks back and remembers a happy childhood past
And wonders what went wrong.



Sing a song for the lonely angel
The one who would explain herself if she could
But doesn't think she would be understood
And so she buries her secrets deep.



Sing a song for the lonely angel
Who's tired of feeling second best.
Who's being subjected to some cruel test
And feels as if she's failing.



Sing a song for the lonely angel
The one who just watches and observes as though she has not a care.
Even though she has her own thoughts and opinions to share
She won't tell them because she can bear no more ridicule.



Sing a song for the lonely angel
Who's tired of feeling ancient when she's only a mere teen.
Who has many small deeds and actions go unseen.
If she doesn't do them they won't get done and she won't leave them for someone else.



Sing a song for the lonely angel
Who folded up her wings 'cause she feels she can't fly,
She's been reaching and reaching and can't touch the sky
She's being held down by others.



Sing a song for the lonely angel
The one who wants her friends to feel like her friends.
But just people trying to makes ends meet ends
But rather an extension of her very self.



Sing a song for the lonely angel
Who wants him to notice her
But who knows he won't not now not ever,
Not while she around that other one who's so much better.



Sing a song for the lonely angel
Who's tired of feeling invisible,
Who's tired of seeming invincible,
Who just wants to be normal.



Sing a song for the lonely angel
The one who wants to smile for real
The one who wants her scars to heal
And to live her life to the fullest.



Sing a song for the lonely angel
See if you can make her smile or laugh
Make her see her talents, all of them or even half.
See if you can help her fly back up to her heaven.

Hello Everyone. Long time, no blog, huh? I know there were rumors regarding my leaving this site all-together, taking my ill-gotten goods, climbing aboard a small plane and flying to a country with a non-extradition treaty with the US Gov't. Well dear fiends and cadavers, I am happy to report th rumor was false... The country DID have an extradition treaty with the USA and, to my deep chagrin, I must steal a line from a Tobe Hooper movie (paraphrased, of course!)"I'm Heeeeeerrrreeee!"
So No more excuses, no more reasons and best of all I have a contract but I am no longer bound by where I post my blogs or anything at. Wonderful bit of Free American enterprise and a shout out to my dear friends here who said do not go quietly in the night (though I imagine a few were saying as I walked away: Just go!) So, what now I posted Christmas Carols last??? Talk about OLD! Well I have a new surprise for you my dear fiends, a special poem-montage that I started doing on MyYearbook about 3 months ago... So please, please give me your honest opinion and remember I use Damon Thorne as my Pen name...

Fallen Angel



Crawling in my forlorn appearance
I hide my soul behind these tattered wings
Tattered and broken as they are
Plucked of light, stained in tears and blood.



In quiet despair upon the cold earth
Smeared in dirt I crouch upon my weary knees
And clutched timidly between my fingers
Rests one last jewel of Hope.



A single unblemished plume plucked
From the silver light of dawn
A feathered ray of light from beyond
To illuminate the void that has me bound.



This precious barb of silk
Once lost as I was and forgotten
Blazes now to immerse me in radiant bliss
To wash away the pain, draw me from the abyss.


So now I fade away…
My tender flesh removed
My shattered wings released
My inner light unsheathed… escapes.



Peasant Screams and Dark Wishes,
Damon Thorne

1. Schizophrenia -- Do I Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas
4. Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic - Deck
the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and
Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and....
6. Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming To Town To Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, and I Don't Know Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder - Silent Night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells..


A Merry, Merry Christmas from the Lunatics at the Mausoleum

Hi all,
You remember me right? Good old Dave? Well they finally got that old bag of bones out of here and I am in the driver seat so,... Did you hear a knock? I better go see who it is... (sounds of footsteps walking away then creaking door opening) AIIIIEEE!!! No this can't be! I finally have it here all by myself and your cousin sends YOU of all things to keep ME company??? Oh, he is such a dead reaper when I get my hands on his throat! I know he is already dead you Nimrod! It is a figure of speech, you know a metaphor ... Hey!! You can't do this to me! (Sounds of struggle) This is sooo not fair and I will not leave I do not care that you have an "Eviction" notice! (Voice is receding into the distance) This is my Mausoleum now, you have no right... (Sound of Door Slamming and being Padlocked)

Good Evening, Dear Readers,
My Name is Sardonicus, but you can just call me the Grin Reaper, or the Grinning Reaper, or just Grin. My dear, moronic cousin has left th building vacant I can see... All this drab decorations will never do, they all must go, No wonder he was always in such a grim state.
I, on the other metacarpal, am positively ecstatic to move here in to the old Family Mausoleum!! But I wonder who that Squatter was any way? No matter, things to do; busy,busy busy.... Oh and if you do not mind to see yourself out and lock the door behind you I will be ever so Grateful Dead! Hehe... Yes much redecorating to do run along now!! Shoo!
Ah alone at last. What a bunch of suckers! Thought I had a real "Eviction" Notice, well it is real! It was the one I got for not paying rent for Brain Space in the last mortal I inhabited. This one is such a Fool... I am going to have a lot of fun here! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


PIMP.myYearbook.com - No. 1 Pimp Site

Hello,
I want you all to know that I love all my friends here dearly and I thank you all for helping me battle the little injustices of life, but this last week I am afraid, we lost the war. Beginning January 5th, I will no longer be able to post my blogs first here to SC. I have a contract which will be sure to be amended to "entice" me to post my blogs on another, more blog heavy or socially adventured site... or worse yet, to a literary or horror only site. I may repost to other sites afterwards, but the lag time will AT LEAST BE 1-4 WEEKS OR MAYBE LONGER!
How could this happen? Why? For how long and for what possible reason? All good questions and about the 8 people I figure that will stop long enough to read this are probably interested in the answers. Well, these are tough answers that hurt me to the core when I received the call on Friday and I am going to be straight with anyone who cares enough to read this.
How? By my contract I am required to make a certain amount of posts in a thirty day period. Mind you, they go not have to be GREAT posts but posts. Quantity over quality. The Publishers have me by the short bones and are shaking me on this... and that leads to why.
Why is a bit more harder to quantify because it is one of those things in life you want to deny exists and yet must face, willing or not. It boils down to BIPH. No, I did not misspell that, BIPH stands for "Bucks In the Publisher's Hands. More traffic means more ad space, it means more of a "targeted audience." It means that the publishers do not feel that SC is the proper place for my blogs as, some of you have gleefully pointed out to me, this is a music site for and by musicians. People want to read (if they want to read at all) about the music industry, equipment, songs, bands and the pop culture of music in general. No one wants to come to a music site to read a horror writer's blogs, just because he is more comfortable and enjoys his time more here with people he considers good friends. Better to have me make a ridiculously lame blog post on what I did this weekend that the Horror Fans will eat like the Cotton Candy it is. Sure it passes the time, gives you a taste and you get a little sugar rush, but it is 100% lacking in true nutritional value and it will not fill you up as it metabolizes so quick and it does not satisfy, friends and neighbors, not at all. Why? Bucks. More hits, more Advertising money, more EXCLUSIVITY all add up to dollar signs in Corporate Eyes.
For How Long: try at least 7 years unless I can renegotiate if I make it big fast. "Higher Web Presence" and "Greater Internet Awareness" is the by-words of small-minded PR people in NYC who think that the higher trafficked sites or the more Horror-devoted ones will bring the ratings up and in. Again. more money in corporate hands. There might be one lone person in the meeting when this is decided that will want to have me on a more varied Literary Site and that person will be shouted down and driven out so fast that his parking space will have become a tow-away zone by the time he packs up his desk. Not filler, requires thinking people so therefore thoughtful writers and, as a rule, horror writers are hacks unless they are King, Koontz, Rice or Barker. So let's put the writer where the fans (who they obviously do not have high opinions on their intellect) will be able to follow the carnival music so they can get the cotton candy.
This one is the hardest. For what possible reason (overlooking money. money, and did I mention money?) Soundclick made the decision by its own lack of response to my poll on the Blog Contest question. 30 days to vote in and 14 people voted. I was one and I can name at least 7 or 8 others... and even though the vote was 11 for, 3 against, that was not the real question being considered and it was being watched by the Publishing PR Hounds in NYC.

They did not care about the voting results or a contest at all, they cared about the number of votes as that was the indicators of whether people were drawn to read the blogs here or ignore and gloss them over. I knew from the moment I proposed this question to the publishing house that the real meat of the poll was just how many bothered to take notice. I was bound by agreement to not say anything about the underlying reason for the poll because I agreed that no ballot box stuffing would happen and that if someone would beat the drum for votes it would not be me beyond a personal appeal to a friend or two for their support. Bound by contract, chained by by own Honor, and gutted on the altar of the polling forum by everyone who heard my plea but did not come to answer. You can almost hear the dries to crucify the Savior and let the murderer go free. Oh, yes, I am a little more cynical and disheartened by this and the apathy of the community. I admit whole-heartedly that I put my own head in the yoke but anyone who wanted these blogs to be fresh, thoughtful, and even stopped by to occasionally read what the nut job with the themed-page had had to say, and did not pay heed to my call by blog, message or announcement system of picture sharing (which I thought was rather original)... you were the ones who pulled the lever and let the Guillotine Blade of Soundclick's "Musician's Only" mindset that the PR Sharks in NYC now know about, cut the head off of this tired and sad Reaper who just wanted to be where he thought there were people who cared about his feelings and thoughts and maybe even a little as a person.
But now, it is too late. The final curtain has been drawn, the lamps all but blown out and the cleaning crew will be mopping up the blood left by the Grand Guignol Theater of my SC demise, yet as you pass by me on the side of the road and we head in different directions, I beg of you to remember this. I Believed in all of you, yet only 14 could bother out of 3 million to even pay any attention, and only 100 could have been the difference.
I am truly the Sad Reaper now... and as below shows, I'm a Lost Soul in the Mist.


WwW.SparkleTags.Com

have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered WHO you were going to be today? Not what you'll do or what to wear but actually who. Identity is such a ingrained part of us that most take it for granted every day. we go from our house, to our cars, to work, come home and the next day start it all over again. Now, imagine if you can a person who when he looks in the mirror sees other people entirely. One reflection may be his social self, a persona created to handle the crowds of people in his neighborhood bar; the type of bar where everyone knows his name but 90% are acquaintances at best and therefore almost strangers. He can't slip into the crowd unnoticed here so he becomes gregarious and the all-around guy, Everyone's pal. Norm, if we may. No one will look too much deeper, but it is better than where he is a total stranger and all eyes are on him. Those cases are for another persona.
Persona #2, let's call him Jack. Yeah, Jack's good. A Jack is either loved or feared. He's the bad boy. He takes chances and damns the results. He could give a damn less what the local yahoos think of him and if they start any crap, he'll finish it, If a lady comes on to him, then it's a good night, coffee in the am (if he stays that long) and he's gone! No name. number or forwarding address. Gets the nice guy in the center into a few scrapes, run-in with the law, and sometimes a case of VD. The gift that keeps on giving.
And then there's the arrogant SOB that's not conceited he'd convinced. He has a little black book the size of the NYC yellow pages and when the mood is right and the others let him out for the night he might take a girl out dinner, a movie maybe, but no dancing. Dancing is embarrassing and would cause a persona shift. No. No dancing. He'll end up either at her place or parked somewhere because he doesn't want her to feel like she's got her hooks in good... and, hey, if the night's still young you know there are at least a half dozen or so girls willing to have his company.
So what "face" does he wear when he's relaxed, in a safe environment, and completely at ease. That's hilarious. He's never relaxed. No safety anywhere, He can't drop his guard for a minute or he'll slip into the swamp of his emotional problems and fears that led to the creation of the facades, the false faces he wears. But can he remain on guard forever? No. The world he has built on is ready to crumble and each day its harder to keep it together and the personas in their right place.
When the fall happens, he'll find himself in a morass of guilt, self-loathing and depression. He'll lock himself away from the world and not care any more. He may stay this way for months or for weeks, Eventually, hr'll either pass into total psychosis or "bounce back" into his previously energetic selves.
I have not mentioned two other personas and in their own way, they are the most dangerous to the core identity or others. The first is the "child", he seeks nurturing and love ans will give up all for it. He'll wait for a kind word like a puppy for a soup bone. He'll defend his nurturer like a tiger, but if he suffers rejection then the child will withdraw to the depressed persona or lash out. And lashing out is never against the rejecter, he wants that approval and love back so he lashes out at himself, the other personas, or his surroundings. Van Gogh destroyed almost 300 of his paintings in this state.
Lastly, there is the survivalist. No name is his as he has no personality. Some would call him "throwback" or "savage", truth be known he has no intelligence, no deceit or grandstanding. He has one mission: To Fight or Flee. In s fight, he will not stop until the enemy is beyond retaliating. To flee is to remove the others from danger even if it means their actual death. He is ruthless, cunning and will never give a warning or quarter.

Death is the ultimate escape from problems and he will succeed if not discovered.
A story? Fiction? Psychiatric Case Study of Multiple Personality Disorder? No. None of the above. He suffers Bipolar disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder. In other words, he would be a shut-in if he was depressed and never manic. There are other disorders but I will not try your patience with more. When mania is upon him, he can be funny, hyper, a brilliant talker and very charismatic. He is often a person whose ideas are contagious as is his attitude. He can also be surly, agitated and callous. He is usually hyper-sexual and impulsive in money matters and his liaisons. He lives for the moment and he is right because he is he!
Yet when depressed these qualities all fall by the wayside and he usually be remorseful for his indiscretions and bad forethought. So where is the "real person" in this hodge-podge? He's the child. He is afraid to let go and has no emotional capacity or tools to deal with the real world. He creates the personas to protect him and yet, knows not that they do him the greatest harm. He will not mature while behind the mask. He will have no coping skills when faced with stress, He will not live a long and happy life and he just might die from his inability to cope.
If it is not obvious by now. I know these things for one reason. I was that person. I lived that life from adolescence to age thirty or so. I am still learning and still fighting to make myself a whole person. I f you knew me 20 years ago, you would not recognize me today. I have come that far on my own life's highway, but I have many more miles to travel before I can sleep.

Twelve years ago, I walked away from me. The life I lived, the things I did, the people I knew, and the person I thought I was. I truly felt that I made the best decision I could at the time. Faced with the loss of my relationship with the woman I loved more than life itself, the down-spiral of my health following a major brain injury and a mental/emotional collapse that had and would plague me for years; leaving all of it behind me was the best course that I thought I had at the time. In retrospect, it probably was the most harmful thing that I could have done to my health, happiness and well-being.
I left Ventura, California and I moved to Texas where my family were and lived with my parents for the first time in nearly ten years. The doctors I had at the time said that it was too dangerous for me to live by myself and my parents opened their home once more to me, the prodigal son. I didn't know it then but I was also giving up my independence for the next ten years or so.
I remained depressed and suicidal for several years. After a year here, I had no friends and the friends I thought I has in CA had abandoned me. I was withdrawn completely into the family unit and thus even further isolated from the world. After months of this, I had another "break" and called several people in CA that I knew could mistake my brother's and my voices. I know full well I did what I;m about to say but I honestly never planned to hurt anyone. I just thought it would be easier for all if I was "dead," so that's what I told them. This is the shame I have to live with and the penance is asking those who were hurt for forgiveness.
Then about 2002, a new doctor took me off of the meds that were leaving me in a stupor and said that I could live a productive life. I found that I was not broken, just bent a little. I moved out on my own again and began to write, not just as a hobby or way to make money, but as the best tool of self-discovery I had in my toolbox. Today, many people who knew me ten years ago think that I was "loafing" or "faking" my illness. I did neither. I was truly not in control of my circumstances because I did not know I could control them, These people's attitudes are something I know will be around me for probably the rest of my life. This is what brings me back to 1996 in California.
I did not "lose" my love, she left of her choice. I had to move because of the financial troubles when my accounts went dry but I didn't have to leave my entire past. In many ways, it was a self-protection measure: I didn't want to be reminded by people, places, and other things of what I had had and what I had lost. It was a irresponsible, immature choice I made and I'm sure it hurt many people who did care about me. I was just too blinded by the emotional pain to see they were there and accept their caring.
I can't turn back the clock or repair some of the rifts that my actions caused. I take responsibility for my hurtful actions and they all have my sincere apologies. I have learned though. I make a point of facing my problems and not running or hiding anymore for that did not make the problems any easier or go away, it left them there waiting for me when I opened my eyes again.
Two years ago, I went back to Ventura for a visit. The place had grown into a bedroom community for LA by then and it was so much more than when I had lived there. I tried to reconnect with friends from the past and with the exception of my closest friend out there, no one wanted anything to do with me. I don't blame them though. I was the one that didn't want to have anything to do with me in the first place.

Here I am an author of "morbid" tales as my dear Mom always said and believe it or not, this is my first Blog! I'm going to date myself here by saying that when the Internet boom hit I had owned computers going back to the old Texas Instruments 994a. It was basically a wannabe hybrid of an Atari Game system and the old Commodore. It played games that came on tape cassette or hard cartridge and could handle a staggering 8 kb of memory (16 if you had a cassette player attached). It was, however, my first exposure to programming. I lived happily in the Land of DOS and bemoaned its fate when Windows 95 became a hit regardless of its shortcomings.
I moved to Backwaterville, USA in late '96 from Southern California and found myself moving not into the 21st century but closing in on the mid-20th. Here still 11 years later, things are a bit better than I expected.
Once I worked in the cinema/theater industry designing SFX, costumes and make-up for screen, stage and entertainment. I worked on major Monster projects that required separate servos to animate the piece that one tech alone would not be able to handle! The hours spent on applying make-up fx for actors are but a dream passing by now. Hollywood has let the original Monster Makers be replaced by CGI. Set designers and Miniature specialists are lost to the green screen. So I suppose I haven't really missed out being gone from the "bright lights" of Movie City, but a little part of me has died as those I knew who were to old to adapt to the new computer age of film making sadly faded away into the past.
As for myself, I turned my talents and creative urges to writing and art. "Dark and demented" was one critic's view and another was "...horrified that someone who would illustrate such venial pieces would be allowed to live among us..." What can I say? With such wonderfully crafted words of encouragement like that I found a market for my art in the rapidly growing Horror Role-Playing Gaming industry. Changes in the RPG market have left that as a less than profitable business if you do it by hand.
I create. It's what I do. So I returned to writing (having garnered some publishing kudos in my early 20's.)
I'm working on my first novel length book and I have a small writing circle here in Our Town with high hopes, and if my Mother is reading this: YES! The book is morbid! Sorry. I remember what Stephen King said in Danse Macabre: when asked by a person how he could write such horribly terrifying stories, he responded that he "... had the heart of a 4 year old child... sitting on his desk in a jar of formaldehyde." King also says that the only movies he was allowed to watch were Disney. Yeah, that one got me too. If you don't believe Disney makes the scariest movies in the world for children, then you never saw "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" as a kid!
So there you go! Let's all blame good old Uncle Walt.

November 17, 2002. The day will always be on my mind. On that cold November day my Dad went to the hospital to have a "simple procedure." The Doctors were sure he would be able to return home the next day. The left carotid artery was to be cleared from build up of cells that could lead to a stroke. He had the right carotid done the previous month but had suffered a minor stroke immediately afterward that affected his speech. Even knowing this did not deter the Doctor from doing the exact same procedure without taking more precautions. The idea of putting the surgery off for a time was against the Doctor's advice as Dad could suffer a serious stroke if the operation was not done. So my folks agreed to the surgery over my objection. Since he had a stroke after the first surgery, I felt that there was a strong possibility a stroke could happen immediately following the operation. Objection noted and overruled.
The surgery was a success and he was resting fine in his room that night when he had the most serious stroke. He was put into a coma that he would never awake from. He was 59 years young and was looking forward to that Summer when we would move to the Sierra Nevada mountains. his brain began swelling and an emergency surgery was done to relieve the pressure. Nine days later the doctors called us to his bedside to tell us that his body was giving up. That without "heroic" measures he would most likely not live out the week. (My parents both had "living wills" refusing artificial breathing and cardiopulmonary resuscitation.) That day the 26th of November was my birthday. To say the least not the birthday gift I wanted.
We called my brother in Nevada and told him the news and within a day he, his wife and their two kids were with us. The only person who could not come was my daughter who was in a foster home in Shasta, California as we could not get an emergency order from a judge to let her come out here. We had been at the hospital every day and night since the 17th and Dad was beating all the doctors' expectations on living without the machines. Finally on the 12th of December, Dad passed away early in the morning when NONE of us were there. I suppose he waited until we all were at home so that we would not have to see him die.
We held the funeral service at the cemetery. As my Father was a vet who served in the Marine Corps from 1960 to 1965 a detachment of honor guard was present to blow the bugle and to give my Dad the twenty-one gun salute. My sister played his favorite song. My brother (who is a firefighter like our father was) rang the fire bell four times as the tradition is. One for honor, one for bravery, one for service and the last for Heaven calling him home. I read the "Fireman's Prayer" and spoke of our father's love and his commitment that he had given the Fire station almost 30 years of service to. Not the Christmas we all had wished for but we pulled together as siblings (a miracle to say the least!) and honored our Dad and made our Mother happy.
My brother is a firefighter as I said. He had wanted to be a firefighter since he was three years old. He wanted to follow our Dad into service to help other people in danger. M brother is also a paramedic and has served as a "life flight" medic from Elko, Nevada to Salt Lake City, Denver and Las Vegas. My Father did not put expectations on us (OK, not many.) He and our Mom was happy to see us grow up as three individuals and played no favorites among us. He was always proud of us for just being us. He raised us to help others first, do what was right and never to turn a needy person away. He taught us how to read and do math before we entered Kindergarten. He showed me how to be a man and how to be a father to my child as he was to us.
No one will ever replace him. He was a one-of-a-kind. He always did for us. I will never know another person as great a

Hello, I know I've been letting everyone down lately: not blogging as often as I have; several half-ass jobs on the more recent ones; and, worst of all, I have the fictional interview I promise I will continue yet haven't.
First off, the fictional interview WILL be finished and I hope to continue it as soon as I am up to it. I do listen to my friends and fans and I WANT to write it (I stopped when I stopped, that's how I write. I have no clue where I will take it but the story will drive itself and I'll be along on the ride just as you are. The difference is I'm in the front passenger seat and all the readers are behind me.) I just have had some serious reversals in my happiness lately. I do not want to cheat my friends by not doing the best that I can on anything.
I have been more depressed in the last week or so than I have in years. You who have read my past blogs know that this is NOT a good thing for me and I have to be very careful and watchful of myself in these states. I suppose I can blame it on a person who did this or said that, but it really isn't their fault. They were not born with the ridiculous problem of a particular combination of brain enzymes imbalance like I was. It is rather pathetic if you think about it. Here we are, Mankind, Kings of the Earth and the most (at least as we are concerned) highly developed creature in existence and we can easily be brought low by something as small and insignificant as a HORMONE! We have built cities and created wondrous inventions. We have risen to such heights of ingenuity, philosophy, reasoning and determination to put Man on the moon and in space, the most inhospitable and potentially deadly areas for Man to survive in, yet something as natural as feelings and emotions to us is still a barely explored map in the geography of humanity.
Silly, isn't it? We know how to split atoms and are quickly learning how to fuse them without irreducible energy waste and yet we can not even be sure that we are in control of our most basic selves. Great thinkers from Socrates to Russell, Plato to Shaw and Jung and Freud and all the other icons of Humanist thought and theory can speculate and theorize on so many wonderful levels, but present them with the fact that one of the greatest writers to ever live, Ernest Hemingway, blew his head off with a shotgun, and the Great Thinkers still have no idea why!
What drives us to succeed and yet, if we do, still feel as lost and insignificant as Alexander the Great when he looked across the Ganges and realized that he could not conquer all? What inadvertent state of mind can cause a fully physically healthy and successful being to dash it all away in the darkness and never return from their solo sojourn to the realm of Hades? Why do we contemplate the end when the fullness of life is all around us?
Such patently huge questions are to be answered with a simple shake of the head and a negating phrase like, "Such a waste of so much potential." Or of an even more so demeaning to the victim, "There was something wrong within him." YOU THINK? Thanks a lot, Captain Obvious. 5000 years of Mankind building Civilization and this is the best all the scientists and thinkers of the ages can come up with? A small chain of proteins and enzymes were in the wrong order? Is this good enough for you my friends? I can say one thing with absolute certainty: No one gets out of here unscathed. I won't, you won't, and neither will your children's children.
And that my friends, is the saddest truth of it all. Life is worth only how good the idiot who stacked the blocks were compared to the idiot next to him who built your neighbor.
I suppose that is as good an explanation for depression as you will find in any Psychiatry Manual.
Yeah, great.
Pleasant Screams.

Hi All,
I know I haven't been around enough lately tagging boards, commenting on blogs, updating the stations, etc, but I did want to let you know what is currently in the works here at the Mausoleum and all the other new sites I have been setting up in general.
You have hopefully noticed this is my third blog in the last couple of days. Well, if you include counting all the multi-part blogs as well as the singles, this is Blog #50! I have plans to do some more in the next two weeks.
Topics will most likely include Virtues and Vices: a User's Guide, A Dedication to My Former Mentor and Wrestling Coach who led me to 2 straight State Titles, Lists Galore (I love Lists!), Surveys, Quizzes, Book Reviews, Guest Appearances, the 12 Blogs of Christmas (1 for each day), Urban Legends. Conspiracy Theory, Lessons from History, Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned on the Toilet, and a very special gift to all my friends who I have emails for: an Original, never before published and as far as I can trust my friends, will not be, Revenant's Memoirs Christmas Tale of a boy who waited for Santa. I swear to you that I will write this and mail it as a PDF to anyone who wants it (it will still be copyrighted, of course.)
So what will you have to do to receive this one-of-a-kind gift? Well, if I already have your email, then nothing! If I do not, you must get me your email address no later than the 22nd as the 23rd will be taken up with this event's posting and the 24th I can not get out of family obligations unless I am really Dead! (Kind of strict rules here around the Holidays. I have a sister and a brother. I DID have a sister and 2 brothers but one missed the 24th, Mom just smiled and said there are a lot of holes in the desert!)
So PM me or email me (that option is available with every PM) if you want to get in on this. I am doing this for my friends and the FAMILY I have here at SC as a gift from me to you during this special time of year and it doesn't matter to me if you celebrate Christmas. Ramadan, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, or Martian Independence Day - it's the thought that counts.
So Merry Whatever and Happy Who-Knows to all my friends and fans and fiends at Soundclick, Oh yes.A Hell Yeah for Swampman who will be celebrating Martian Independence Day because if you haven't heard his latest tracks then you have no idea what you are missing. They are out of this world!
A few last notes, Crongrats to Mark and the Meme for his top 20 placement in the contest, Chattbox for hid win, and Lori Bianco for 2nd. AND look for the 3rd Quarterly (or close enough) Revenant Awards on or about New Year's Eve! Thanks to all.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Pleasant Screams!
Revenant

One of our greatest world traditions is, by definition, against the law. There are people who are charged with it everyday and go to jail for up to 25 years per offense depending on the degree and severity of the crime. There have been fortunes made and stolen, history written and rewritten, and made the career of the man both known as "the Biggest Huckster of the World" and "the Greatest Showman on Earth." He was Phineas T. Barnum and the world remembers him as P.T. Barnum of the Barnum and Bailey Circus. what he did was illegal and we call it Fraud under the law, working a Con or "Grifting" in the vernacular of the practitioners, and a practical joke or hoax when we are having "a little fun."
We all have done it at one time or another: Tall Tales, Fish Stories (I do not know if the one in the photo got away,) April Fool's Day Jokes or College Pranks. I bet even Mother Teresa pulled a few in her youth. Now, if it goes beyond that and you use it to "fricassee a chicken" or steal money in other words, then you have committed Theft by Fraud and could be looking at stiff penalties. Move up to the "Big Con" like Newman and Redford's great characters in "The Sting" and you might be looking at a few decades away in the poky.
We do love the fun of a good joke though; that is unless we are the Rube or victim of it. The Old Snipe Hunt joke actually got my Dad when he was about 14. Years later, he was a Marine at Camp Pendleton, CA when dome friends invited him to go on a Grunion Run. He refused saying he was to smart to fall for some coastal version of the Snipe gag.
My sister was married in 1987 in April Fool's Day but at least she had witnesses! It was Bad Luck of the Cosmic variety that led me to try to pull a fast one on my Parents and told them that Wendy and I were married on that same day in 1987. Ironic, isn't it? In my defense I only have this to say: What were the chances that my sister would actually get married on that day!?! I had no idea it was happening I was on my way back from Oregon! Talk about the Odds being astronomical regarding the fact that siblings who had no idea what was on the other's mind would actually do this? All I can say for she and her husband was that they were lucky to have a piece of paper and some family members there to witness it or they may have spent that Spring like I did, no home to go back to. Long story (SO LONG it is written here in the blogs as Queen of Hearts Pt I - X!)
So I was thinking today I would share with you one of my favorite websites for my writing research, The Museum of Hoaxes! (http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/)
Here you will find some wonderful and hilarious things to keep you entertained for hours! Sections like Top 100 April Fool's Jokes of All Time, 20 Weird Experiments, Photo Hoaxes, Gullibility Tests and a wonderful Blog Archive on Hoaxes of the past and present. Sure, I'm a writer of fiction, I need all the research material I can get at times... but as creative as the rest of you, my fine friends, are I bet a few of you may come up with something that sparks your Muse and you end up with an idea for a new song or two. Even if it doesn't, like I said earlier, we ALL love a good prank or two... unless we are the poor Rube to fall for it!