I guess I have become a bit more philosophical in the last few weeks or so than I have been since my days in College. I was never much of a "soft" humanities student but took my share of poli-sci, philosophy and human studies. I have always leaned more toward Literature, History, Archeology and Anthropology. I even played with the idea of following my childhood dream of being an Archaeologist, but ended up in the relatively "safe" area of Lit. Mind you, I'm not complaining; I have done very well for myself as a writer even if it did take 20 years to catch on with the public at large. I know many of you have never seen a single page of mine in print (or at least you do not know you have) but it will not be much longer until it does finally hit more than the small press.
I also can imagine how anyone who has just read the most recent additions to my blogs here are feeling in my direction since the Lacy Marie Blog was posted. I have had a few personal messages and a comment or two, but I hope that if there are readers more than two or so of you, that you are in a somewhat state of shock over the incredibly vivid and emotional details of the most recent "exposée" then I assure you: I am just as much in a state of shock. I suppose living in it for the last 24 hours as the seconds tick slowly by has inured me to the hard, cold reality and yet, no one really knows what is going on in my head. Sometimes I don't even recognize the reactions myself.
Most who think I like to play the part of the "insane" may not realize that I truly am. Sane people do not create personas to handle differing stressful situations in life. They also do not have the swinging emotional balancing act that I perform every day. Yet, there is the old maxim that an insane person never questions his own sanity, I assure you, when faced with the vagaries of a brilliant mind facing the inconsistencies of his own actions will make you question your sanity. (Yes, I am highly conceited, but it is the truth.) When faced with no other course of action than to step in and assume whatever reins may be left on the gibbering emotions boiling under the surface, I become more withdrawn on the outside and more coldly analytical as a result.
As one person in an area of this country who has never met me nor really tried to know me has stated with the certainty of the uninformed and inferiority complex of a rival for someone else's affections; I am a Nut-Job. This goads me. I am off-kilter and I am completely aware of it. You see the history of only my most memorable moments yet recorded here in my blogs (and believe me there is more than I could have the time to write in 100 years,) but you, dear reader, have read my private moments, my shameful and mad actions that had led me down the path of life I tread. This person I speak of is afraid I will "steal" his love away at over 1800 miles away. Apparently I am not the only one who suffers from lapses of sane thought. You, at least have the information that I willingly provide to make a lay determination of me, right or wrong, but still I have gave you the facts to draw on. This other has not even the Honor to stand to me, but instead makes his accusations to those I love and care about. So I say let's open the book on me. Let's lay it on the table and allow all to peruse chapter and verse. I am not afraid of innuendo or others thinking me worse than I already do myself. I have faced that in my everyday life from all who know me intimately for over ten years now.
"A sane man has no enemies, and the mad none but his own delusions." from the Koran. Of enemies, I have none; of friends, I count all of you. I will place my greatest fears and most horrifying thoughts in these web pages to read. Should he care to forearm himself for his arguments only takes a few easy little mouse clicks.