1. Schizophrenia -- Do I Hear What I Hear? 2. Multiple Personality Disorder - We Three Kings Disoriented Are 3. Dementia - I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas 4. Narcissistic - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me 5. Manic - Deck
the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and
Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.... 6. Paranoid - Santa Claus is Coming To Town To Get Me 7. Borderline Personality Disorder - Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire 8. Personality Disorder - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Po...
New Excuse: A man got a new Ferrari for his birthday and went to test drive it on the highway. As he was driving he wondered how fast it could go, but before he could get very far he heard sirens. He sped up thinking he could outrun the cop, but then he came to his senses and pulled over. The cop walked over and asked for the man's license and registration.
Then the cop said,
"Listen, Mac, it's Friday, I'm tired, and I just want to go home, so if you can give me an excuse I haven't heard before, I'll let you go."
The man thought for a minute, then replied,
"My wife ran off with a cop the oth...
Too Many Bars: A drunk walks into a bar, sits down and demands a drink.
"Get out" says the bartender. "I don't serve drunks here".
The drunk staggers out the front door, only to come back in through the side door. He sits at the bar, bangs his fist and demands a drink.
"I just told you to get out, didn't I? Now LEAVE!".
The drunk gets off his stool, stumbles out the side door and, comes back inside through the back door. Once again, he sits at the bar and loudly asks for a drink.
The bartender, now glowing mad, looks at the drunk and yells "I TOLD YOU, NO DRUNKS ALLOWED, NOW GET OUT!!!".