You know the girl on the teevee -- you know, the one no one can find -- almost as well as your own girlfriend. Why? You really should stop watching FoxNews.

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This began life sometime in 1986 with me trying to be wistful about some girls I knew in high school. However, because I simply cannot be wistful about high school, everyone who heard this song would usually ask when I was done, "okay, what did you do to them?" That wasn't the point I wanted to make.

The song had way too many words to begin with. I struggled with this, lyrically, for more than 20 years, and I'm not sure the effort paid off. However, this song is DONE. I am not revisiting this subject for another rewrite.

BETTY & VERONICA
words and music by c.h.featherstone

Betty & Veronica
walking in the rain
holding tight to shopping bags
not sure where they parked today
Betty & Veronica
soaked down to the bone
the handsome smiles, the helpful hints
at least they won't go home alone
when the parking lot gets full
of policemen and their onlookers
it's rumored life goes on somewhere else

Betty & Veronica
take another happy break
the sun, the sand, the swimming pool
the guys who know just what to take
Betty & Veronica
giggle in their drinks
girls gone wild, holding hands
not sure what they're supposed to think
when the patio gets full
of voyeurs and their cell phone cams
it's recorded life goes on somewhere else

Betty & Veronica
off on another jaunt
a sparkling island far away
they think they know just what they want
Betty & Veronica
two pretty white girls gone
disappeared without a trace
the teevee news drones on and on
when the conversation's made
by people lacking their own lives
who knows what goes on somewhere else?