Dove-Myer Robinson, thou art avenged

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Auckland is New Zealand's biggest and most vibrant city. It also has several terrible infrastructural and social problems, which Aucklanders apparently prefer to whinge about than do anything to fix.

The weather’s too hot
And the weather’s too wet
And the buildings are leaky
Not remedied yet
And we’re ruled by a council
That’s warped and insane
Who we voted for last time
And will do again

It’s so multicultural
Open till late
But we hate and fear people
Whose English ain't great
We worry our town
Will turn into Shanghai
We want to pretend
That it’s still ‘59

And this is why we live in Auckland
The beautiful city of sails
Cause we don’t have the money for Melbourne
And the rest of this country just fails.

The traffic’s atrocious
Makes us rip out our hair
But we still persist taking
Our cars everywhere
And the crime is pernicious
Young people these days
Are savages, lurking
With murderous gaze

The rich folk drive Porsches
Up volcanic hills
The poor folk in gullies
Are blamed for their ills
The white trash out Westwards
Cause us distress
The brown folks down South
Have to clean up our mess

And this is why we live in Auckland
The beautiful city of sails
Cause we don’t have the money for London
And the rest of this country just fails.

We sneer with contempt
At those south of Bombay
Those ignorant rednecks
Just wasting away
Our city’s superior
Second to none
We’d boast of its virtues
If we thought of one

Why don’t they just move
To some tiny cell
In a motorway suburb
Of our private hell?
We’ll move to Orewa
To give them some room
And if they come closer
Then we’ll just keep moving

Yes, everybody come to Auckland
The beautiful city of sails
If you don’t have the money for Queenstown
Cause the rest of this country just fails.