This song is about lots of things that would really really suck, a lot. Like not listening to this song, for instance.

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Well I was this butterfly my last lifetime, and as I was about to die in this freak acid rainstorm, my last thought was, if I'm a gay comedian in my next life, I'll write a song about this and a bunch of other things that would suck too.

THINGS THAT WOULD SUCK

Chords: C, F, G

(These are lyrics to a slightly different/newer version than the mp3)

I wish I was a butterfly so I could fly and fly and fly
Unless I was a butterfly in an acid rainstorm
Cuz that would suck
I wish I was a little cow so I could moo and moo and moo
Unless I was a little cow who stepped in big cow poo
Cuz that would suck
I wish I was a deoderant stick
Cuz then I'd smell really good
Unless I was a deoderant stick
Getting shoved under some fat guy's sweaty armpit
Cuz that would stink, and that would suck
And besides it's dark up there, and I'm afraid of the dark

I wish I had a popsicle... so I could suck
I wish I was a baby... but babies suck
I wish I had a fatal disease
and was going to die in three weeks
But that would suck
I wish I was a rock so I could sit and do absolutely nothing
Though on second thought that'd be pretty boring

I wish I had a rubix cube to turn and turn all day
Unless my special rubix cube was too yakutakay
I found that word on rhymezone.com and I don't know what it means,
so I just used it as an adjective. I even looked it up in the
dictionary and wikipedia and neither of them had an entry so I can
only conclude it was a typo, if you don't believe me look it up yourself.

I wish I was at a party with lots food music and cute guys
and chicks and beer and strippers and drugs and orgies
Unless I was at a party with lots food and cute guys
and chicks and beer and strippers and drugs and orgies
...On the ninteenth level of hell
Cuz the music would be country/western
and the drugs would be half rat poison
and the beer slightly watery
and the female strippers would have penises, and so on
And that would defeat the entire purpose of having a party

I'm getting sick of singing now, my mind's all in a fog
I wish instead of singing I was getting a blow job
But that would suck!

I wish I was a lot of things, but nothing involving hamsters
Cuz I hate hamsters
I mean they're cute and all but they're kinda squirmy. You pick 'em up and they squirm around and try to get down then if you drop them they die, and they run all over their own sh*** in those plastic balls they run in which is really unsanitary. I did have a hamster when I was a kid once, but it died. But I'm over that now. I mean, of course I'm over it, I'm a 28 year old adult, why wouldn't I get over the fact that we had to flush Fluffy down the toilet, instead of giving him a proper burial in the back yard like he wanted. We couldn't even have him cremated, cuz no, "that's too expensive for a hamster"... We had to flush him down the toilet like a piece of smelly shit. You flush stuff that comes out of your ass down the toilet, not Fluffy. Not Fluffy...