This song is dedicated to America's favorite hypocrite oxycontin-junkie, Rush Limbaugh. Give this one some time.. It really rocks out in the end. ;-)

» highest in charts:   # 740   (191,506 songs currently listed in Rock)
» highest in sub-genre:   # 158   (40,748 songs currently listed in Rock > Rock General)

We were moved to write this song after hearing about the allegations against Rush Limbaugh which accused him of paying his housekeeper to illegally buy drugs from a dealer in the parking lot of a Denny's restaurant. Over and over again.

It wasn't long after this story broke that he admitted to having a drug problem. For some strange reason, this seemed very ironic. Particularly because of Rush's view of drugs and the people who abuse them. Want an example? Here are a couple:

"Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. And the laws are good because we know what happens to people in societies and neighborhoods which become consumed by them. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be
convicted and they ought to be sent up."
-- Rush Limbaugh. October 5, 1995

"What this says to me is that too many whites are getting away with drug use, too many whites are getting away with drug sales, too many whites are getting away with trafficking in this stuff. The answer to this disparity is not to start letting people out of jail because we're not putting others in jail who are breaking the law. The answer is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them and send them up the river, too."
-- Rush Limbaugh. October 5, 1995

We agree. Too many white dudes are getting away with drug use. So, I expect to see his honky-ass locked up in the pen any day now.

Anyway... So, this guy turns out to be a raving oxy-head after preaching against his favorite secret hobby. What a damned hypocrite, you say? Well, that's just the tip of the recto-meter. There is more to this story....

You see, a few years back, Rush began to lose his hearing.. Remember that? I do.. I was sooo happy. The dude couldn't hear anymore.. How can he have a radio show if he can't hear? Well, it seems that being the nations #1 conservative-republican radio yes-man has its advantages. You can afford shit.. sh*** like a cochlear implant, a bionic space-aged device that poor folks like us cant afford, that magically restores your hearing. Sonofabitch..... So he comes back..

But, he tells everyone that his deafness had been caused be an auto-immune disorder in his ear. I thought 'How the hell did his ears get AIDs? His cat?'... And so we took him for his word.. Exactly the type of thing you shouldn't do... But, hindsight being 20/20, it turns out that certain narcotics, such as, oxycontin and oxycodone and other opiates actually cause hearing loss. Are you following me?

If you're lost, let me explain it quickly. Rush said he had a disease that caused his hearing loss. Actually, he had been popping oxy's that his housekeeper had been pick'n up from the local drug dealer in the Denny's parking lot. Not only that, he had been doing it so long and so often that it made him go deaf. Rush lied about the real cause of his hearing loss so he could continue to consume mass quantities of his sweet, sweet oxycontin which he had obtained in a most illegal and immoral manner. Even though it was greatly affecting his health.. What a douchebag, huh?

So, after he gets caught and only AFTER he gets caught, Rush admits his problem and blames it on the 'chronic back pain' that he 'suffers'. Oh, yeah.. The same chronic back pain that didn't keep him from competing in golf tournaments less than a year ago. So he lies to us some more and goes into rehab. After leaving his post at EIB for a month, he comes back and tells us what a good experience rehab was. He prides himself with a statement in which he claims that the average I.Q. Of the other patients at his facility was about 150. You see, Rush isn't your average piece of trash junkie. He is part of the wealthy, educated, junkie elite. He would never be caught dead in a facility with those 'Lesser Junkies'.

It was this amazing bit of grand hypocrisy that motivated this song. That and a certain worldly anecdote he gave shortly after that one gay magician was mauled by his tiger. Expecting to make a whole lot of sense, Rush imparted to us this wisdom:

“It’s time for a little truth. There are absolutes in
life, as much as some people want to deny it, and one
of those absolutes is that a tiger is a tiger. If this
tiger could get into the audience, he'd eat everybody
he could. Tigers do what tigers do, and you can't
train that out of them. Similarly, a snake is a snake
and a liberal is a liberal. I know these two guys
sleep with these tigers from the day they're born, but
you still can't change their nature. We can sit here
all day long and wish that wasn't the case, but weCcan't turn a tiger into something it’s not - nor
should we try.“
-Rush Limbaugh

This makes sense to me.. A tiger is a tiger. A snake is a snake. A junkie is a Junkie. Junkies do what Junkies do....

Say hello to Robert Downey Jr. For us, Rush.

Run on down to Denny's, you'll find a real good time
Park a while and have a laugh or two.
Grab a couple oxy's, i'll cook'em in a spoon
Be quick my friend, EIB expects me soon.

This addiction started as a way to ease the pain
the pain that never affects my golf'n game.
the enquirer breaks the story of the illegal drugs i've bought
and now i'm sorry, yeah i'm sorry I got caught.

Tigers do what tigers do
the same thing goes for junkies too
he'll relapse soon, just you wait and see

snakes will do what snakes will do
be damn sure they will lie to you
just like that pill-head down at EIB

I said all druggies can goto hell
we should put all users under the jail
except for me now, i'm too good for that

i'm the exception to my own rules
but since i've been busted, should i change my tune
or should i just blame those wily democrats?

All the countless pills i've tossed
the direct cause of my hearing loss
where i called for your support and sympathy
then i lied and blamed it on some strange disease

the goto man for conservative views
the yes-man for the right-wing news
the beacon of christian morality
and behind the scenes, an oxycontin fiend.

Snake will do what snakes will do
they'll lie, cheat and decieve you
watch me ignore my own hypocrisy

Junkies do what junkies do
methadone wont do it for you
so, how about it Rush? Have an oxy on me...