Nige and Trev join as many clubs as they can but never turn up to any of them. Instead, they stay at home eating yummy Jackdaw cheese.

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Cheese motivated us to write this song.

Your father
Your mother
Your father
Your mother
Jackdaw cheese
Jackdaw cheese

I join as many clubs as I can
but never turn up at any of them.
Nothing's new
There's no remedy
My reflection is locked in a wooden box.

OK ladies and gentlemen
I'm back
Yes after all these years of being away
I am now back yeah ooh...
Nothing's new
There's no remedy
Half a pound of tuppeny rice
Half a pound of treacle
Nothing's new
I forgot my nursery rhymes
Pop goes my arsehole
Nothing's new
There's no remedy
Pop goes my arsehole

It was pretty ordinary
But maybe this was God
Clouds part to reveal the great
Golden staircase to Heaven
A lorry jacknifed and locked horns
with the best gift ever.
A drowning man needs to be saved
from drowning
Someone trapped in a burning building
needs to be saved from the blaze
An addict caught up in the cycle
of drug-taking. A cry needs to be
saved from his addictions.

We should like warmly to invite you
to meet us at our place of regular
worship services which take place
at five to twelve every night and four
o'clock in the morning every Sunday.
You will find a friendly group of people
with various bastardised pieces of shit
hanging from their noses
and you'll meet together
to worship Bobby.
Pop goes my arsehole

She talks with her big red American mouth
But it's not her real voice
It can't be
We struggle up the steep stone steps
to the station where the front door
used to be
I hand him his jacket
OK a big plate
No such luck
She picks the white cat hairs
from the sleeve and car and frowns
at the beer, the bear soup and bloodstains.
Wooden jars and thin flowery covers everywhere.
Yaow-yaowdah
Correction, convention has left home.
Guilt has moved in with all my friends
and now I'm shaking these yellow,
these cakin' weights.
It's pissin' down.

I plug in, switch on and
then switch off.
Switch on
Switch on
Your father
Your mother
Your father
Your mother
Jackdaw cheese


Lyrics copyright 2004 Mick Clack/Frank Fish