This is just the extended blather version of the song.

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Just listen and you'll get it.

F.E.M.I.N.A.Z.I

She's Betty Boop in jackboots, threatening but still cute
Armed to the Benoit tooth on the mall roof
Looking eye to eye, crosshairs in her vision
But re-rewind to the very beginning

I was depressed as the horse in the never ending story
Life was missing a point like the stars on old glory
Was as single as the number of riffs
That Status Quo have and as fake as their hips

Though the lonely hearts column should be labelled fiction
Here I would be meeting my leather bound vixen
Resetting my bones would become her addiction
This is what was written by my S and M Nixon

Wanted - one loser who waited for the Phantom Menace
Then descended into misery their dream had ended
Cry heresy "it's a digital Mohammed"
Now you're whining like the hero in a never ending Meatloaf ballad

She needs someone who's life is irrelevent
As the back catalogue of Led Zeppelin
Who's willing to wait for Chinese Democracy
Or Alanis Morrissette to make a follow up LP

Damn she sounds like my biographer
But after we met I thought there's something wrong with her
She took control and made me her bi***
Now I can empathise with David Furnish

Fast forward to the months that had just passed
She's Mary Poppin- a cap in yo ass
She's Blanche Dubois with a mastectomy scar
This may be an amorous faux pas

She ruled my world and I tried to please her
She had a heart condition like Julius Seizure
Learnt her technique from Lynette England
That Abu Ghraib babe with a triple k following

She tried to analyze me, tried to get Freudian
Gave me self help books by Doctor Kevorkian
I was strapped for cash like education funding
Unappreciated as David Blaine in London

She thought music would put me out of her misery
She checked all my records like Homeland Security
Song after song to find messages in
Played 'em backwards - I thought it was Aphex Twin

Your list of demands wasn't too blase
And in it you proposed a little tete a tete
But you mean Tet as in the Vietnam offensive
F*** off it's the seventh amendment

"You must go up there" No I really mustn't
"She only got nine bullets" oh a lepers dozen
Rampant Jake Kissinger that ain't my name
I'd sort more of her breakdowns that Triple A

(pre) F.E.M.I.N.A.Z.I
F.E.M.I.N.A she's my

(chorus) Hitler with boobs, my rubix cube
She's my sequel to a movie that went straight to dvd
She's my Saddam with curves, my chain smoking nurse
She's my Blossom without Six, she's my Hasbro crucifix

I needed guidance to stop the violence
Before I ended up a Columbo assignment
Radio shows would only leave me on hold
Dear Abby said "Back to the kitchen you go"

But the best advice that I ever did get
I found it on the packaging that came with Playtex
It pretty much said that we should split up
It also seems that I need a c-cup

Seperate and lift, seperate and lift
My life would be much happier if you weren't in it
We had a real connection but it got dropped
As if AOL was the server for love

I will label her like Ric Flair and Madonna
She's one of those people who keep her clothes on her
If I told you her age she'd probably shoot me
But she can remember good Steve Martin movies

But there's more to be told, think I'm being unfair
It's not as black and white as a Quaker's fetishwear
You know I always liked to lie in bed with you
But I mean lie as in not tell tell the truth

I will raise my hands but they're already raised
And admit some mistakes that I made in my day
Charlie Manson ain't the old guy in Home Alone
And the honey monster doesn't have down syndrome

Fozzie Bear didn't become a priest when he suffered
No he wasn't the Pastor Of Muppets
And the bible doesn't have a new feminist clause
"But if god is a woman, then she's hit the menopause"

I wouldn't call it lying it's romantic perjury
Because I got delusions of adequacy
Now my hands are shaking 'cos my lies are unravelling
Not because I spent the nineteen eighties time travelling

She cals me a pussy, one of the cowardly men
But if I am a chicken then she's a battery hen
"Don't argue with her, you'll just make it worse
You're meant to fake that you like her like we do with Fred Durst"

"But I've seen better acting in Starship Troopers
Heard more seductive lines from the pen of George Lucas"
The one about the sand? "That's the one I was thinking of
Now get her down before a Levi profit drop"

A simple serenade's what she's demanding
Let's see how romantic I can get when I'm standing
Witha red dot on my head not because I'm a Sikh
And no I'm not an extra in Predator 3

Ok, I'll change my ways and from this moment on
I'll be the most romantic guy y'ever scared with a gun
I will open your door and I will pull out your chair
I won't push your f***ing mother down the motherf***ing stairs

(pre)
(chorus)

Is this Rodeo and Juliet or Bara and the lovely Pet?
I ain't got the impetus just the impotence
Come on now baby, ol' blue eyes is back
"The zombie Sinatra? Is he with the rot pack?"

No matter what I say we can't negotiate
It's Bambi's mom versus the NRA
My passion was burning like a suburb of Paris
But like Affleck's career it is now ashes

There's only one way I can think to stop her
Gotta tell her the truth about Harry Potter
And how the next book ain't how he got hooked
On heroin, crack and all the drugs that he took

When he found out his parents were drunk and uncaring
The main(line) title the cover is wearing
Ain't called Harry Potter And The Spear Of Woe
"Still he could've got adopted by Mia Farrow"

She doubted my music, said I'd never be famous
We're as accesible as a coma victim's anus
Think I'm that desperate to find success
That I'd do the vocals to Merry Christmas R-2?

You think I should give up, admit I've wasted my life
And become a kept man like Gwen Stefani's wife?
I don't need anyone's help you redneck Barbie
I can make it on my own "Oh, like Stella McCartney"

She says I smoke too much to ever be a singer
You're like Margot Kidder with an itchy trigger finger
No, baby, please don't, no , no, no baby don't


About now I realised I weren't gonna be fine
I was bleeding from regions I thought girls had monopolised
And so I ran my primary function is panic
If I was in the Mister Men I'd be Little Miss Carriage

Or if Charlton Heston had popped the question
To Lorena Wayne Bobbitt then this situation
Wouldn't seem that strange on the pages of country
I think she's the link between man and (sock) monkey

Put my John Hancock on my own toe tag
'Cos I'm leaving a trail like Gretel on the rag
It's GPS fluid, no hope of losing her
She's Judy, jury and executioner

I hid in the grammar section of Toy 'R' Us
Where Shania weeps "That don't impress me much"
My death knell sounded out on a Tomy
It's like receiving the last rites from Kenny G

Would I be the first martyr of Fisher Price
And be a trophy husband, but the literal kind
She may get twenty years but I'll be out in seven
It's never a sentence, more a serving suggestion

(pre)
(chorus)