Humorous song about how men struggle against hair loss, and how women REALLY feel about baldness.

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After writing "A Totally Natural Woman" about women's vanity, I felt men deserved equal time.

Let me tell you about my husband's hair
Back in Woodstock it was down to there
But as grandpa's head presaged
It would fall out as he aged
It was destined he would lose his hair

Grandpa's shiny scalp did tell
Here's your future, mark it well
It is destined you will lose your hair

So when his hair started getting thin
He combed the sides up where the top had been
He bought every spray and lotion
Fell for every pill and potion
No, he wasn't ready to give in

He was clinging to the notion
He would find a magic potion
That would put the fallen hair back in.

Oh, nothing's working for me, he'd complain
I just got peach fuzz from Rogaine
Hair implants grow in funny
Besides, they're too much money
And scalp reduction's too much pain.

He came to the deduction
To scrap the scalp reduction
And hair implants don't look the same

And then, as though someone had died
My sweetie sat right down and cried
It was time to set him straight:
You think bald men don't rate
You're wrong, and let me tell you why

Your baldness you should proudly own
It shows you've got testosterone
And I'm so glad I have ya
Cause you don't need Viagra
Skip the hair, I'll take the bone

I'm sure to get my jollies
When you look like Telly Sevales
Skip the hair, I'll take the bone.