The theme from an imaginary children's cartoon.

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Secret midget (X2)
He was born into a world where midgets were illegal cause their farts, when huffed, gave powers to the ordinary people. So he built a hidden laboratory. Now he's fighting evil. He's a secret midget.
He fought the robot commies that were sellin' crack. He fought the hair on Ed Asner's back. And the Mustache from Atlantis, when he stopped it's last attack. He's a secret midget.
He's got cybernetic arms and legs that he built in the 80's. He's got all the dancin' moves, so he can drive the ladies crazy. He's a master of disguise, sometimes he looks like Patrick Swayzee. He's a secret...
What's his secret? They're confused. Some say that he's Tomy Cruz. Some say Tommy's lover Bruce, but it's a secret midget.
Oh Mr. Smith, you're so tall and mysterious.
Oh Mr. Smith, you are as unto the Barcelona man.
Secret... What a secret.
Midget... What a midget.
Secret... What a secret.
Midget...