My grandfather could fix anything with baling twine. My father could work miracles with silicone sealant. But any modern man knows that all you need in your tool kit is a hammer, a pair of vice-grips and a roll of duct-tape.

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The Little Bitty, Teeny-Tiny Two Inch Strip that Holds the World Together
©Sean McGaughey July 16, 1999

When Grandad had a broken plow, a problem hard to solve,
He’d walk around it end to end, and stare with great resolve
He’d take a roll of chicken wire, a kind used in all weather,
He wrap it round and round the plow, and knot it all together.

In my daddy’s day the world advanced, technology had grown.
He could fix anything with tubes of silicone.
But I have found the perfect tool, it always works out right
A magic silver roll of tape will hold it all it tight


Chorus:
You stick to me, I’ll stick to you
We’ll be stuck fast, it’s better than glue
It don’t matter what the season,
we don’t need a rhyme or reason
While other loves are all long gone
Ours will hold us close and strong
With the little bitty, teeny-tiny
Two inch strip that holds the world together.


Well over there in Ireland they have a heap of trouble,
If they don’t work it out real fast, the country will be rubble,
But I have a cure that’s guaranteed to ensure a peace forever
Well take the Unionists the IRA and Duct-Tape them together

Chorus:


Bridge: Audience Participation

What do with a leaky hose ?
USE DUCT TAPE.
How do you cure a runny nose?
USE DUCT TAPE.

How do you fix a hole in your tire?
USE DUCT TAPE.
You need to repair a microphone wire.
USE DUCT TAPE.

How do you catch a squeaky mouse?
USE DUCT TAPE.
How do you stop a straying spouse?
USE DUCT TAPE.

Your guitar case came apart at the end?
USE DUCT TAPE.
You really want to impress your friends.
USE DUCT TAPE.

What do you do if your car falls apart?
USE DUCT TAPE.
How can you mend a broken heart?
USE DUCT TAPE

Chorus

What do I buy everyday at the store?
A BOX OF DUCT TAPE
How can you stop me from singing anymore?
USE DUCT TAPE.

Chorus