A song about a lack of self-control with hilarious results!

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"I need help"

(beat: Eminem's "without me")

[chorus:]
I eat lots
and some more
then a lot
tell someone
i need help (7x)

[verse1:]
light a match quick, burn all the leftovers
i'll eat it like a drunk could be kept sober
fridge is kept full to fill my empty hole
an ugly package but a tempting soul

i could die within the next year
cuz all i do is sit on my rear
i'm so fat my shoes have elastic
pants made of tents in relaxed fit

an SUV to carry all of me
sides are puffy cuz i squeeze through entries
barbeque beef, pork rhines and greese
dutch oven master peice so i release

bacon in mac and cheese with crisco
iron chef - a show i never miss though
twice baked potato in my microwave
not a single calorie will i save

wont you emulate me? there's plenty!
a wash out - clean me for a century
I eat a heart meal everytime i sit down
look at my big belly i dont mind it round

[Chorus:]
when we meet my Doc. pleads with me
but look at all the variety
cheese and butter, bacon sprinkled top
churros, truffles, german chocolate - STOP!

[verse 2:]
cholesterol out of control
cuz i dont stop when i am full
i will eat cuz i'm unhappy
unhappy cuz i eat, you see

have ten different kinds of ice cream
chowin down on vanilla bean
so forget those first impressions
i leave dents - and a life lesson

bathe me in melted velveta
carnavor to piss off PETA
Yeah! the schwan's man to the rescue!
Givin' me the new and best, too!

I am a weight gaining savont
addicted to food and what i want
my hair grows in weird places now
weird shapped freckles my face looks lao

whenever i sit i am asleep
would get healthy but i'm too cheap
narcalepsy, see, is my curse
i'm even too sleepy for this verse

[chorus:]

[verse 3:]
Help me, I think i am dying slowly
A quadruplebypass isnt all free
i get SBS from the fat recoil
make a caserole and eat the foil

a fat slob - i steal candy from kids
use mayonase so much dont have a lid
weigh myself at truck stops once a year
im constantly breaking the mirror

do my barbeque at the yellowstone
sumo wrestle at the battle dome
im so fat i got diabetis twice
chopped my leg off with a samurai knife

provide lots of shade in the summer
in the winter i tend to slumber
i cant ride a bike or drive a car
so i scavange for food near and far

im prehistoric size and weight
i will never, ever find a mate
im a beast of a man, you'll see soon
not afraid to take bites of the moon

belly tucked into my pants nicely
to see my doctor in emergency

[chorus:]