All who attended the "Christ vs. Cancer" fundraiser and bake sale last sunday were treated to an eclectic group of performers on the main stage. Between moving readings of scripture by Pastor Mike Ockhertz, local musicians took the stage to perform various types of christian music.

First, a young man from Tacoma, the brilliant and talented Johnny Kunt, performed a beautiful rendition of "Awesome God", complete with a ten piece choir from St. Cletus' All Girls University and backing pianist Bernie Klits. What a fantastic way to begin a beautiful day!!! As the morning dew glistened in the sun, Pastor Mike read from the book of Matthew, and announced the next performer.

An oddly compelling young man using the surname "Deep Fried Jesus" stumbled onstage. Looking a bit like an unkempt transient, all action at the bakesale tables ceased, as the crowd began to descend upon the performer. He gently strummed his guitar, and angels began to slowly hover from his fingertips. The most amazing chord were struck in solid succession, and he gently began to sing.

This reporter has never heard a more delicate and delightful performance, and as Deep Fried Jesus broke into the chorus, tears of pure ecstacy began to flow copiously from my eyes. "The Blowjob of a Lifetiiiiime!" Elderly women began singing along. "The Blowjob of a Lifetiiiime!!" A pair of giant panties flew onstage, and suddenly, as though a dam had burst, the entire backing choir from the previous act began stripping and lewdly grinding upon each other. The song came to a wild climax as fireworks exploded from Mr. Fried Jesus' eyeballs....and then it was over. The young performer stumbled drunkenly offstage, and all that was left was a quivering mass of naked college girls and the aroma of freshly baked cinnamon rolls, which, rumor has it, seeps continuously from Deep Fried Jesus' ass.

4 stars out of 4