According to ancient folklore, he’s been around for quite some time. Known as a fertility god, prankster, healer and storyteller, Doug Hell has been a source of wonder across the continent for centuries. He embodies the true spirit of the Western world and tales of his existence date back over 3,000 years, when the first petroglyhs were carved. Although his true origins are unknown, this traveling, ukulele-playing Casanova is a sacred figure to many Southwestern Native Americans. Carvings of his hunch-backed ukulele-playing figure have been found painted and carved into rock walls and boulders throughout the Southwest.

There are many myths surrounding the legend of Doug Hell. One of which is that he travelled from village to village bringing the changing of winter to spring; melting the snow and bringing about rain for a successful harvest. It is also said that the hunch on his back depicted the sacks of seeds and songs he carried.

Legend also has it that this ukulele-playing freak symbolized the transition of winter to spring. Doug Hell’s ethereal ukulele harmonies are said have been heard in the cool breeze of spring, while bringing warmth.

It is also said that he was the source of human conception. Legend has it, everyone in the village would sing and dance throughout the night when they heard Doug Hell play his ukulele. The next morning, every maiden in the village would be with child.

Sounds like aloadoff***ing crap to me, but whatever the true meaning of Doug Hell is, he has been a source of music-making, dancing, and joy to those around him. Even today, Doug Hell, with his hunchback and lame-ass ukulele, is always welcome in our homes.