After decades of argument, they found a name in the wise words of Elvis Presley. The band was watching the 1968 Comeback Special, determined to find a name therein, and heard Elvis saying, "I really like a lot of these new bands like the Beatles and the Beards." One of those names was taken.

The Beards' name is at least the second in a series of rock band names with unintentional double meanings, a tradition which started, as far as we know, with AC/DC, a band whose name refers both to high voltage electric current and bisexuality. "Beard" refers not only to the awesome facial hair style shared by three of the five Beards but also to somebody of the opposite sex who accompanies a homosexual on a date to give the impression that the homosexual is not homosexual. We can assure you, however, that of all of us, only Nikolai has ever done that.

We play at small venues in New York, such as The Knitting Factory, Mo Pitkin's Don Hill's, Scenic, and the late C-Note.

Before the rise of the internet, record companies did not have websites and Lars Ulrich was a complete douchebag. Now, they do and he still is.

Yes, you whore. Folks who avoid record contracts to avoid selling out have fewer groupies and less money than the future version of dead legends The Beards.

Eli, Max, and Clark, searching to replace their somewhat incompetent rhythm guitar player, found another incompetent rhythm guitar player in Lucas, who also sang and wrote songs. After one live appearance plagued by rhythmic errors and an armadillo riot, they tore Lucas's guitar from his body and gave it to their Russian friend Nikolai, who began playing lead and relegated Max to rhythm guitar. They then continued to play, eventually adding a new bassist and shuffling everything around.

AC/DC, The Who, Led Zeppelin, the Rolling Stones, the Beatles, Black Sabbath, Megadeth, the Velvet Underground, Motown and Stax soul, and all other music we hear. The question asks, "Are you more into crashing guitars or Motown R&B?" We are into both of these things equally because we aren't a one-dimensional band of mindless, untalented whore types. We have many influences and sound totally unoriginal.

Here. Also, wherever you are.

Oh my soul, what's wrong with me? I'm itching like a man on a fuzzy tree. My friends say I'm acting queer as a bug; I'm in love - I'm all shook up.