Straight outta the hometown of Michael Ball and that bloke from 5ive, it is only natural that MatronsApron have the instinctive power to rock your little soft round bottom to Droitwich and back.

With a sound reminiscent of Jimmy Page and Simon Schama simultaneously beating the living sh*** out of a prepubescent James Brown in the ladies’ bathroom of a Swedish jazz club with a drop-d tuned lute while smoking bountiful quantities of Earl Grey tea leaves through a home-made bong fashioned from a Somerfield’s own brand traditional lemonade bottle that was previously used to store crack addicts’ grandmothers’ urine samples, accompanied by a reggae version of Debussy’s Le Petit Nègre, performed by an intoxicated Ray Parker Jr. who’s just found out he was born a woman, MatronsApron are sure to be received indifferently by practically everybody with a less than severe interest in music.