Crotchless Leather Wheelchair
Me and Eye
Regular License $50 | Premium License $70 | Professional License $100.
» go to the music page for more
play hi-fi  Secret Midget (Full version)
play hi-fi  HOS (Charles Nelson Testicles mix)
play hi-fi  Secret Midget
play hi-fi  Revolting
play hi-fi  Warrior
play hi-fi  I f***ed yer dog!
play hi-fi  "BOB" is innocent
play hi-fi  How many eyes (Gonna cry 2nite)
play hi-fi  Planet X or bust (2003)
play hi-fi  Gut
Joint Trench Clench maintains this Doktor band dedicated to absurdity, chaos, and slack.
If you like the songs, drop us a line on the message board.
If you love our "BOB", spark that frop pipe and rock like the true mutant you are!
Join the Church of the Subgenius - send thirty bucks to PO BOX 204206 - Austin, TX 78720-4206 - Praise Bob!
Why this name?
The name was whispered into Touchmonkey Zer0's ear by a dying midget in a convenience store. It was the culmination of a night we'd never forget. The midget, the bloody bowling pin, and that horrified clerk. Who could imagine that wanting a gatorade could get you a prolapsed anus?
Do you play live?
We play live constantly in many nearby alternate realities.
How, do you think, does the internet (or mp3) change the music industry?
It makes it easier to hear music you wouldn't pay for. It has allowed me to hear some of the shittiest music of all time and some of the greatest.
Would you sign a record contract with a major label?
If we are picked by a label to be distributed, it will be one of the signs of the apocalypse. It will also mean that Charles Bronson has returned from the dead and is chasing the living with poorly aimed shots from a snub-nosed revolver. Death Wish 6,muthaf***a... Does anyone even read this shit?
Band History:
We sprang fully-formed from a stone egg and promptly erased our names from the book of the gods. We ate the magic peaches, and are now immortal. Worlds above and worlds below - there's no one in the world like us.
We reject the binding band you would put on our head, and we smite you with the Monkey's staff.
Your influences?
Zappa, DVDA, Sleepytime Gorilla Museum, Mr. Bungle, Cornelius, King Crimson, Bis, Secret Chiefs 3, Chemical Brothers, Deltron, Mahavishnu Orchestra, Melt Banana, Superfurry Animals, All Doktor bands and anyone who fascinates us. Of course, we sound nothing like any of our influences, so no guarentees.
Favorite spot?
Whatever place is charged with the most Slack at the moment.
Equipment used:
Queso -
Sonar 6 and a bunch of VSTIs and plugins.
Hardware - Line 6 (Toneport UX2 with expansion packs, Variax 300, Variax Workbench) Behringer (V-amp Pro, Bass V-amp, mixer, compressor, Tube Ultrafex), M-Audio (FW 1814 firewire interface, DX4 monitors, and Radium 61 keyboard), Akai (MPD16), Korg (Kaoss Pad 2), Digitech (Vocalist VR), Alesis (Quadraverb GT), Electrix (Warpfactory vocoder), Frontier Tranzport wireless DAW controller.
Instruments - Line 6 (Variax 300), Fender (Strat, Tele, acoustic, and Jazz Bass), Ibanez (Destroyer II), and Danelectro (12 string electric) guitars. Octava, AKG, Audix, and Shure mics with a Bellari preamp.

Touchmonkey Zer0 -
Alesis (Ineko fx, Airsynth), Behringer ( V-amp, VMX 300 mixer), Boss (SP202), Denon (DN-S3500 CD turntable), Gemini (turntable), M-Audio (Oxygen 8 keyboard), PVDJ (Loop Grabber), Roland (MC-303 groovebox)

Misc. stuff - E-bow, slides, Mixman DM2, Kazooka, noisemakers, slidewhistles, etc...
Anything else...?
Join the Church of the Subgenius - send thirty bucks to PO BOX 204206 - Austin, TX 78720-4206
Salvation or triple your money back.
The con is trying to get it's pinky stinky, will you fight back, or just moo and grab your ankles. If you love absurdity and don't enjoy a corporate corncob up your laundry chute - well, dammit - QUIT YOUR JOB, SLACK OFF, AND PRAISE "BOB"!!!
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