Down The Years
©
Author:
We all know that there’ve been constipated people throughout history,
written references to the folks who couldn’t go
There was Cain who wasn’t Abel, he’s the first of which we know
And Moses who took tablets, well, the Bible tells us so,
Balaam couldn’t shift his ass, and Titus he’s well known
And Solomon who sat for 40 years on the throne
Yes it is true that down the years there’s men and women brought to tears
cos nothing happened when they sat upon the po.

There’s the story of the constipated teacher
Who taught maths in a secondary school
He would sit upon a chair bedecked with cushion
He had to; he’d a problem with his stool
Unlike quadratic equations which he told his class about
He couldn’t use a pencil to work the problem out
Yes it’s true that down the years there’s men and women brought to tears
Constipation’s an affliction that’s most cruel.

And in case you think that I have not been blighted by this curse
I’ll disabuse you of that notion right away
I can’t pretend That I eat very healthily, you see,
It’s been a long time since I had my five a day
And often is the time when I’ve been sitting broken hearted,
Upon the loo, I’ve tried to sh** and found I’ve only farted
Yes it’s true that down the years there’s mean and women brought to tears
By blocked intestines that just will not go away

I suffer from this embarrassing problem
And suppositories were what the doctor gave
And I fulfilled my prescription at the chemist
And I hoped that they would make his bowels behave
But they didn’t work, the Doctor said, and this is where I quote
“You’re meant to shove ‘em up your arse, you fool, not shove ‘em down your throat”
Yes it’s true that down the years there’s men and women brought to tears
When constipation causes their insides to bloat